We know that life is going to change once we’ve given birth, but in the last few pregnancy weeks, when our backs ache and our ankles are swollen, we long for our babies to hurry up so life can get back to normal.

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Er, well it won't exactly.

Sure, a few lucky women are blessed with undemanding babies who slot into everyday life, sleeping peacefully around the clock and barely waking to feed (although there may be a few fibs told about that!).

But for most of us, the first three months is one long, exhausting blur of feeding , winding, rocking, cuddling, pacing, jiggling and shushing, all set to the soundtrack of seemingly relentless crying .

So, what is the fourth trimester?

The fourth trimester isn’t a medical term, but refers to the three months post- birth when your baby is getting used to life in the big wide world.

And you're getting used to life where your needs always come second as baby is just as dependent on you for nourishment, comfort and closeness as he was in the womb – just now he’s on the outside.

You know you're well and truly in the fourth trimester when:

• Your baby is only happy in your arms and cries as soon as you lay him in his Moses basket
• You’ve come to the conclusion that he hates his cot/car seat/pram/bouncy chair, you’re in the fourth trimester.
• You can barely do your nursing bra back up before he’s crying for a feed
• You tot up 10,000 steps a day pacing up and down the hallway with him over your shoulder and have mastered going to the loo with him in your arms.

It’s an exhausting stage, and one that can come as an enormous shock if you were expecting life to return to some semblance of normal after giving birth.

And it's not much easier for baby ...

But if you think the fourth trimester is hard for you, what about your baby?

He's been wrenched from the warm, dark, soothing environment of the womb, where he’s spent nine months in constant contact with you, into a bright, noisy, overstimulating world.

He’s passed around from person to person – midwives, doctors, your partner, your parents, the nice old lady up the road ...

He’s forced into a babygro and has a hat jammed on his head.

Every few hours, someone undresses him again to change his nappy, exposing his delicate skin to the cold air.

He’s assaulted by sounds – far louder than he’s accustomed to after the muffled atmosphere of the uterus and the rhythmic pulse of your heartbeat.

And instead of being constantly ‘held,’ people now expect him to get used to being alone in a Moses basket or car seat.

We'd yell in his position!

You think you've made a terrible mistake

On top of this enormous physical upheaval, for the first time your baby has to communicate to have his needs met, rather than it all happening automatically.

If he needs you to feed him, wind him, change his nappy, cuddle him, warm him up, cool him down, or help him get to sleep, the only way he can tell you is by crying.

It’s no wonder he spends so much time doing it.

But while it’s entirely normal for babies to be unsettled in the first three months, no one would argue that it’s an easy thing to cope with.

As much as you love the cuddles, not being able to put your baby down for long enough to brush your teeth or make a cuppa can quickly become frustrating.

Day and night blur into one, and it can feel as if you’re losing your mind through sheer exhaustion.

You start to feel like you’re doing everything wrong, especially if your friends 'seem' to have calm, contented ‘pudding babies.’

You can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, and begin to think you’ve made a terrible mistake. Clearly, you weren’t cut out for motherhood.

But stop right there

The key to surviving the fourth trimester is to accept that, just like the knackering, uncomfortable third trimester, it’s a necessary part of the motherhood journey.

Your baby is more intensely dependent on you at this stage of his life than he will at any other.

He’s not crying because he hates you; he’s not refusing to sleep in his bed because you’re a failure as a mother.

He’s telling you how much he needs you to help him through this big, scary transition to the outside world.

And while no one would deny that the fourth trimester is exhausting, frustrating and demoralising, it’s also one of the most precious and crucial times of your life together: the time when a lifelong bond forms between you and your baby.

So what can you do?

There’s no shortage of advice on how to settle a fretful baby in the first 12 weeks.

Skin-to-skin contact, babywearing , co-sleeping , baby massage, swaddling, white noise, colic drops, rocking, baths, walking with the pram … They’re all worth a try, and if you’re lucky, you might find the magic solution that works for your baby.

But the single most important thing you can do to survive the fourth trimester is just go with it.

Think of it – as the name suggests – as an extension of pregnancy , and as crucial to your baby’s development as his nine months in the womb.

OK, so there’s no harm in gently trying to introduce a loose routine or get him to sleep in his own bed, but don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t work.

Just go with the flow

Accept that you probably won’t get round to mopping the kitchen floor or meeting your friend for a pizza.

Make a nest on the sofa with magazines, your phone and the remote controls to hand, and devote yourself to what your baby needs: that amazing closeness that’ll set him up for life.

Bit by bit, and painfully slowly at times, things WILL get easier.

But in the meantime, never forget that you’re doing the most important job you’ll ever do: nurturing a baby who depends on you to find his place in the world.