I need advice or support pls

4 answers /

Last post: 12/04/2023 at 10:12 am

Paul M(411)

11/04/2023 at 3:10 pm

I have just put my 3 year old daughter in my 9 year old sons room as our 7 month is ready to go in a room on his own.

I have a hive camera in with my son and daughter and today (first day they have been in the room together) I have let them watch a movie upstairs as a treat while they get used to the room (and so our tiny one could have a nap while me and mommy watched some adult tv).

I checked the hive to see how it was going and saw my son kiss and hug my daughter which is fine, but soon after he asked to do it again and cuddle but my daughter pushed him away and was v clear she didn’t want him on her. He however persisted and kissed and cuddled her again briefly. After another short amount of time she sat up and he cuddled her and kissed her again but this time he kissed her for a long time and held her by the back of the head so she couldn’t escape. I went up and heard my son quickly move to the other side of the bed (implying he knows what he was doing isnt something I’d like) I asked what was just happening and my daughter said ‘He wasn’t kissing me’. I asked my son why he was kissing and hugging her so much and he said he loved her and looked very sheepish like I’d caught him doing wrong. I’ve spoken to them both about personal space and having permission to hug etc but I feel extremely uncomfortable about what I’ve just seen. I am a victim of childhood trauma and I’m trying not to exaggerate but I must admit it is very difficult. Is this experimental? Is it normal?

for extra info he is a son from previous relationship and is here every other Thursday-Sunday and every Thursday, and half of the school holidays.

what do I think? What do I do?

Linda P(124)

11/04/2023 at 5:35 pm

I would suggest you watch and be aware.

A conversation about kissing on the cheek perhaps and boundaries and review what your instinct is saying and consider how to keep the three-year-old safe.

Talk about consent which will have been covered in school under PHSE and respect and listening to the voice and opinion of the smaller child when she says no.

Review sleeping arrangements.

Chelle

12/04/2023 at 9:38 am

Hi Paul

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - support for dads, so you can get the advice and support you need

Loraine N(4)

12/04/2023 at 10:12 am

Hi Paul,

I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.

Thank you for posting your circumstances so honestly on here and well done for being so observant in the first place and for reaching out for advice.

I'm glad to see you've already had a supportive reply from Linda and hopefully, some of our parents who can relate to your post, will drop by soon and share their experience with you.

In the meantime, Linda mentioned boundaries and these are so important when we are guiding our children as they grow. You asked if the situation you described could be 'experimental' and fortunately, the NSPCC have published a really informative article on understanding sexual behaviour in children including what is and isn't appropriate. You can read it at: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/sex-relationships/sexual-behaviour-children/

They also have a confidential helpline where you can speak with a trained counsellor about what's happening and ask for their advice.

I hope some of this proves helpful Paul, but feel free to keep chatting here and we'll support you in any way we can.

Loraine x

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