Dad can't cope withASD DS
5 answers /
Last post: 22/03/2023 at 9:24 pm
As said, dad/my husband struggles to cope. He has OCD himself and our 4 year old has very low understanding (about 18 months) and has ASD.
Our separate relationship is great when alone but when it comes to parenting it's almost like he knows he can't blame DS so everything is my fault. Today dS had a mega meltdown at my inlaws, cos DS wanted to go and I needed the loo first. This isn't my fault, I know he knows this too, but it's like jes angry and needs to rant.
He doesn't believe in therapy so won't go to the doctors cos he doesn't want pills. I just dunno what to do. I can't do this alone, when it's not bad it's amazing and him and DS have a great bond. But everything stresses hubby out so much and I just don't know how to help.
I gave up my job to look after DS full time, it's very full on and I feel anxious he's going to give up and leave us.
I'm not sure what I'm asking for. Any advice really
Hi Georgie
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - support for dads, so you can get the advice and support you need
Hi Georgie,
I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. You sound like such a dedicated mum to give up your job to be with your son full time. You mentioned that it is ‘ very full on ’ in your day to day life and you’ve noticed your husband seems to be directing his anger and frustration toward you. I imagine this can feel very draining as you are also trying to manage your son’s feelings. You want to help your husband but you’re unsure how to do this and it sounds like he is hesitant to seek any professional help.
I wonder if he might be more open to talking with other parents who are going through similar challenges? You mentioned that it seems like he ‘ needs to rant’ and getting to know other families with a child with autism might offer a chance to vent with someone who understands.
Netmums have a page here to help you find Autism services in your area: https://www.netmums.com/local/autism
This could be a helpful starting point in meeting other families and allowing you all a chance to connect with others who know what you’re going through. Services may be able to offer you further support and guidance too.
There is some more information about support available for families with a child that has autism here: https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/information-about-autism/early-years/support-for-families
I think you both also deserve to have time for yourselves and sometimes it can be helpful to make a point of making time for this so that it isn't forgotten about.
You mentioned that your husband doesn’t believe in therapy, but I understand from one of your previous threads you are interested in exploring couples counselling. If this is still something you would like to explore, Relate have some helpful information here: https://www.relate.org.uk/what-we-do
They also have some online resources about common relationship issues like managing conflict that may be helpful
Wishing you all the best,
Kayleigh
Hi Georgie, I just wanted to reach out to say that I am in a similar situation with my son, he’s nearly 4 and has very low understanding and a language delay. We haven’t had him assessed yet but I suspect ASD also. Have you had your son assessed? Or had him referred to any speech and language therapy?? We are on a waiting list for both at the moment. I think if you haven’t spoken to a professional yet, that’d be a good place to start, either a doctor or a health visitor, and they will advise you that the earlier he gets help the better, so hopefully your busy will realise that this is they way forward. They won’t try to give him any pills I’m sure, just help from professionals who have lots of experience with autistic children. Is your son in school?? What’s his communication like??
He doesn’t believe in therapy and doesn’t want pills. So what exactly is he prepared to do to help the situation? Has he offered any suggestions? From where I’m sitting it seems you’re the only one with all the stress while he tantrums like a child and blames you for how the son who he helped create causes issues for you both. Why is this all on you to ‘fix’?