Am I overreacting
17 answers /
Last post: 08/01/2023 at 11:29 am
So my partner has just officially moved in and his 2 children come over on a weekend and for tea one night a week. We have had them this week from Christmas eve to tomorrow (30/12/22). His son is 13 and daughter is 10.
When the kids are here, his son hardly speaks to me. He brings his xbox and locks himself in our bedroom playing on it, only coming down for food or drink. Sometimes my partner will go up and spend hours with him whilst his daughter runs riot around my house, winding the dog up and then locking him in his crate when he reacts. He's only 7 months old and is very big and boystrous.
My children are not allowed to do half of this, they get moaned at if they are upstairs too much or playing on their phones etc but his son does it. My son isn't allowed to sleep with a light on, but his daughter is. My son has just turned 7 mind.
I have welcomed these children in with open arms but as I write this, partner and his children are upstairs on the xbox and me and 2 of my 3 are downstairs watching TV. Partner isn't affectionate much anyway but when the kids are here I am totally ignored and treated like im invisible.
I have provided all the Christmas food they've eaten whilst here, I pay the gas and electric and yet it feels like this is their house in which I'm a guest. He uses my car to pick them up and take them home, only filling up fuel if I'm running really low, and they leave my car a mess. My car is motability so I have to keep it as clean as possible ready for its return next year.
My own children are getting fed up with it and I find I want to be out of the house more than I want to be in it when they're here. I'm not a monster, I'm a naturally giving and loving person but I feel I'm being taken for a ride and being mugged off. Am I the a*sehole for feeling this way?!
Hi Vicki
I’m Lauren one of the parent supporters here on Netmums. What a difficult situation for you. It does not sound like you are overreacting at all. There seems to be very different rules for his children and yours. Which is not fair and will cause difficulties in the house.
Why is he not contributing to the finances etc?
Can you sit down and calmly have a conversation about this all? It sounds like if this is to work there needs to be some clear expectations and agreements.
If he isn’t prepared to do that I wonder where does that leave things for you?
We are here to listen if you want to talk some more
WTF!?
Re-read the words you just wrote, slowly, and rejected my if necessary. This is crazy!!!
Who the F is he to tell your 7 year old they can’t sleep with a light on? Who gave him this power? Why do you allow this!? He’s YOUR son, protect him. Protect his wants and needs.
Youre paying the bills, food, car… this is just bonkers. I’m sorry but for me, this relationship isn’t salvageable in any way, nor should you want it to be. He’s using and abusing you, your home and your kids. You know it’s true too - why would you want anyone like that around your children and affecting their mental health?
And the poor dog!? What are you waiting for the poor dog to bite back after being tormented? No doubt your ‘partner’ would insist it was put down after too 🙄
This is a horrible toxic environment for all involved.
WTF!?
Re-read the words you just wrote, slowly, and rejected my if necessary. This is crazy!!!
Who the F is he to tell your 7 year old they can’t sleep with a light on? Who gave him this power? Why do you allow this!? He’s YOUR son, protect him. Protect his wants and needs.
Youre paying the bills, food, car… this is just bonkers. I’m sorry but for me, this relationship isn’t salvageable in any way, nor should you want it to be. He’s using and abusing you, your home and your kids. You know it’s true too - why would you want anyone like that around your children and affecting their mental health?
And the poor dog!? What are you waiting for the poor dog to bite back after being tormented? No doubt your ‘partner’ would insist it was put down after too 🙄
This is a horrible toxic environment for all involved.
Repeatedly if necessary *
This isn't a relationship, you are doing everything and he's giving nothing and your poor children are second class citizens in their own home. Even if he starts contributing financially his appalling treatment of your children won't stop. Your children are worth more than any relationship, having a man around isn't essential. Yeet him out and give your kids the life they deserve.
I'm sorry but that's not a relationship that's him taking the effing pee!
So he moves into YOUR HOME tells your kids what they cannot do doesnt give a monkeys about yours or your kids feeling lets his run riot and doesnt care for your things and doesnt pay a penny. Wow just wow. Kick him out your kids will end up hating you for making them live with this hypocrite moron get rid and be happy. X
Hi there. Why is it if he has only just moved in he has stopped your son from sleeping with his light on, I'm presuming he was allowed to do it before? You definitely need to put your foot down when it comes to your own kids, this was their home before his and when it comes to them it's your rules. Obviously he should get a say, but the same goes for when his kids are visiting - you get a say. You need to sit down and have a big conversation with him about all of it, you're not being unreasonable, your feelings are valid.
How long have his kids known you, it takes ages for them to warm up to a new situation or person and they have no say in this. I appreciate step parents should be allowed to add house rules but did he discuss with you first? It's possible he wants you all to be a blended family but without Any idea on how to do that.. I can't help much with advice but definitely hold your ground with new rules, they have to be discussed. As regards blending a family it would be better for you to organise trips out instead of sitting around at home, even if it's just walking dog together
WTF!?
Re-read the words you just wrote, slowly, and rejected my if necessary. This is crazy!!!
Who the F is he to tell your 7 year old they can’t sleep with a light on? Who gave him this power? Why do you allow this!? He’s YOUR son, protect him. Protect his wants and needs.
Youre paying the bills, food, car… this is just bonkers. I’m sorry but for me, this relationship isn’t salvageable in any way, nor should you want it to be. He’s using and abusing you, your home and your kids. You know it’s true too - why would you want anyone like that around your children and affecting their mental health?
And the poor dog!? What are you waiting for the poor dog to bite back after being tormented? No doubt your ‘partner’ would insist it was put down after too 🙄
This is a horrible toxic environment for all involved.
This really sounds like you're projecting here, making her question sound more exagerated than I think the poster meant it to be.
He shouldn't be using your mobility car to pick his kids up . That's not what it's for . He sounds like a walking red flag , who decided that your son shouldn't be sleeping with a light on ? Who watches his daughter while he spend hours upstairs playing xbox with his son ? Nope would not be happening sorry
Hi Vicki,
I'm Katie, I just wanted to check in with you and find out how things are for you?
It sounded like Christmas has been quite stressful for you and the children because of your partner's behaviours and I am just wanting to make sure that you are all ok.
Katie x
He's using you and taking advantage of you for an easy life and clearly has no respect or care for you or your children and his children seem just like him.
Vicki - get rid. I hope you already have, you and your children should be treated better
Who are you to come on here and sout your venom at me?! How about you take your ***** comment and shove it 4ight back up your *****?!