16 months - sleeping in our room on Montessori bed. Parents made us feel like šŸ’©

16 answers /

Last post: 12/04/2023 at 2:03 pm

KATY H(401)
Katy H(401)
06/04/2023 at 7:49 pm

Iā€™m open to criticism. Sad but open. My dad has made me feel like having our daughter in our room at 16 months is the most terrible thing we can be doing.


she was in our bed but we now have her mattress neatly fitted between the wall and our bed and itā€™s been working fine.


I honestly didnā€™t see it as such a big deal as felt like when she is a little older and can communicate better we can speak about her big girl room and bed etc.

please tell me if Iā€™m wrong with this mentality?


Thank you all.

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KAYLEIGH W(312)
Kayleigh W(312)
07/04/2023 at 9:05 am

Hi Katy,


Iā€™m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. One really hard aspect of parenting can be the judgement we face when we do things differently from others, it sounds like this has left you questioning yourself. This can be especially difficult to hear from our own parents, but just because your approach is different, it doesnā€™t mean that you are doing anything wrong.


Co-sleeping can be a controversial topic, but the reality is that it works well for a lot of parents when practiced safely. One of the main criticisms of co-sleeping is that it can increase risk of SIDS in babies, but this risk reduces once they reach 6 months of age and at your daughterā€™s age this is not a concern.


If it is working well for you and your family, that is the most important thing! You will recognise when it may feel like the right time to transition your daughter to her own bed when this is no longer feeling practical for you, or potentially if your familyā€™s sleep is being disrupted more than you would like.


Wishing you all the best,


Kayleigh


Edited on 07/04/2023 at 9:10 am by Kayleigh W(312)
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KATY H(401)
Katy H(401)
07/04/2023 at 11:42 am
In answer to
Kayleigh W(312)

Hi Katy,


Iā€™m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. One really hard aspect of parenting can be the judgement we face when we do things differently from others, it sounds like this has left you questioning yourself. This can be especially difficult to hear from our own parents, but just because your approach is different, it doesnā€™t mean that you are doing anything wrong.


Co-sleeping can be a controversial topic, but the reality is that it works well for a lot of parents when practiced safely. One of the main criticisms of co-sleeping is that it can increase risk of SIDS in babies, but this risk reduces once they reach 6 months of age and at your daughterā€™s age this is not a concern.


If it is working well for you and your family, that is the most important thing! You will recognise when it may feel like the right time to transition your daughter to her own bed when this is no longer feeling practical for you, or potentially if your familyā€™s sleep is being disrupted more than you would like.


Wishing you all the best,


Kayleigh

Iā€™m so grateful for your reply. I was hoping someone would.


I definitely have been left questioning myself but both myself and my husband feel that we will let her get a little older before we transition and after hearing your response you have reassured us so much that we will stick to our gut instinct on this.


I would like to thank you for taking time to respond. It means so much.


Thank you Kayleigh x

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SIAN G(171)
Sian G(171)
10/04/2023 at 6:05 am

I think co- sleeping always has and always will be a bit of a controversial topic and you will strong opinion on both sides.


We put both of our into their own room around 1 year (eldest) and 6 months (youngest). The boys share a room.


Some of my friends had there little ones in their room until they were 2+. I think itā€™s whatever works best for you and family and it isnā€™t anyone elseā€™s place to judge.


Iā€™m sorry your family have made you question yourself, stick to your guns if if work for you and you guys x

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ROSEANNE L(5)
Roseanne L(5)
11/04/2023 at 5:20 pm

We had pretty much this exact set up for our son until he was 3 šŸ˜… it worked for us! There will always be someone who disagrees with what you do, the bottom line is that it works for you and that's what matters x

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VICKY R(435)
Vicky R(435)
11/04/2023 at 5:54 pm

This really annoys me!


this is YOUR life and YOUR child!


i coslept with my eldest and I cosleep with my 7 year old. And you know what? We all sleep really really well!!!


my husband gets to come back to his own bed when she has a sleepover at friends or an nannas. He sleeps better too!


you do what is right for YOUR family!!!


btw my dad would never have done this but I told him he was totally selfish when we discussed it in general conversation. I think itā€™s a generational thing. Most of my friends cosleep with their kids.


my eldest is now 16 and guess what? She sleeps in her own bed and has done for years!!! The only difference was there was no fight and upset to persuade her. She just moved when she felt ready with no pressure.


your dad need to give his head a wobble and stop giving his very outdated, hurtful and unwanted comments!!

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ALD
ALD
11/04/2023 at 6:34 pm

The happiest children in some cultures in the world co sleep for years.


Tell him his old-fashioned ways aren't welcomed when said with such vitriol (not to mention ignorance)


Sorry but co-sleeping until your child is ready is really important to our children's confidence, cognitive development and well-being x

Not sure how he would find out about this unless the little one told him but probably best not to share any progressive parenting info in the future šŸ˜‰


Take care xxxx

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PENNY A(88)
Penny A(88)
12/04/2023 at 6:59 am

If it works for you and your husband - and your son is happy - then itā€™s no-one elseā€™s business. Keep doing what works for you all until youā€™re ready to make a change :-)

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PENNY A(88)
Penny A(88)
12/04/2023 at 6:59 am
In answer to
Penny A(88)

If it works for you and your husband - and your son is happy - then itā€™s no-one elseā€™s business. Keep doing what works for you all until youā€™re ready to make a change :-)

Sorry, daughter :-)

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LAURA M(163)
Laura M(163)
12/04/2023 at 7:14 am
In answer to
Vicky R(435)

This really annoys me!


this is YOUR life and YOUR child!


i coslept with my eldest and I cosleep with my 7 year old. And you know what? We all sleep really really well!!!


my husband gets to come back to his own bed when she has a sleepover at friends or an nannas. He sleeps better too!


you do what is right for YOUR family!!!


btw my dad would never have done this but I told him he was totally selfish when we discussed it in general conversation. I think itā€™s a generational thing. Most of my friends cosleep with their kids.


my eldest is now 16 and guess what? She sleeps in her own bed and has done for years!!! The only difference was there was no fight and upset to persuade her. She just moved when she felt ready with no pressure.


your dad need to give his head a wobble and stop giving his very outdated, hurtful and unwanted comments!!

Honestly I think everyone should do what works for them.

I do have to say though my daughter was in her own room from before 6 months as we had a heatwave and we could cool her room but couldnā€™t cool ours. She slept so much better in her own room and was never upset.

I guess what Iā€™m saying is that moving them early has never caused upset or distress in our house, just meant everyone sleeps better. Sheā€™s now 3 and if sheā€™s ill or had a bad dream she will climb into bed with us but sheā€™s gets so excited and bounces around! The only way to get her back to sleep is to return her to her own bed.

I would have thought it would be harder to transition them when they are older as they are use to sleeping with someone and more aware that they are alone. This has certainly been the case with some of my friends that are trying very hard to get children between the ages of 1.5 and 8 to sleep in their own beds but no luck as the child is use to sleeping with someone.

As I said I appreciate everyone parents differently and everyone has to do what works for them but I wouldnā€™t count either option as easier.

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AMA M(3)
Ama M(3)
12/04/2023 at 7:18 am

I didn't co-sleep with my son up to when he was 16 months, but then we changed houses and he slept with us for almost a month in our bed until we had finished with works on his room and then when it was time to go on his room he would constantly wake up during the night calling for us. So instead of running to his room every 1-2 hours we decided to keep his bed on our room and just talk to him from our bed and assure him we were there. It lasted up to his 3rd birthday, when we decided it was time for him to go as he started just calling us on his sleep and not waking up, and we would end up waking up and he would be sound asleep. We transferred him to his room, had some nights we had to bring him on our bed because of him waking up too frequently for us to function the other day, but in a few months he got used to his room.

I used to beat myself for not having him on his room, since we started really well and didn't co-sleep when he was a baby.

But remembering how difficult was not co-sleeping when he was a baby, now with the second I am thinking of buying a child bed that allows safe co-sleep, parents also need sleep to be able to be better parents, that's how easy this matter is. If it works for you then it is great.

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ANNEVS
AnnEvs
12/04/2023 at 7:19 am

A lot of my friends with small children and me myself co slept and a good night's sleep was the gain your baby your rules hun in your shoes I'd do it all over again with each baby he's got an old fashion view point on all this leave him too it xx

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REBECCA M(2220)
Rebecca M(2220)
12/04/2023 at 7:33 am

I think it took my 2 years to stop second guessing myself when I finally twigged that every fight just comes out in the wash. But it still hurts, and especially when it's from people close to you. My mum in law seemed to trigger my doubts the most myself. My now 3 year old ended up bed sharing at around 3 months, when I accidentally fell asleep with her in my arms in bed. I was exhausted, but never planned to bed share believing it dangerous etc, and my most hated phrase "a rod for my own back". It worked though, and I absolutely love it. At 2 we put a mattress on the floor of our room with a tent. From that day on she loved it, and that became her bed. We planned on her choosing how to decorate her room. Things kept getting in the way but now at 3 she's picked her colours, helped paint. And is open to moving in. Though she does get nightmares now, and is afraid of monsters. But at least she can tell me her fears now. It has worked for us, and it feels natural. No other mammal expects a baby to sleep alone. It's their instinct to want protection. Mine still prefers me in bed with her. She usually starts the night on her own and often I end up in bed with her halfway through the night. & I love it. Don't doubt yourself. For some it's right to move them straight to their own room. For others that's not right. Mine has always woken at least once in the night, and I didn't want to have to move rooms to tend to her. Do what feels right to you. Eventually you won't doubt yourself. I jumped on replying to your thread after realising you're exactly where I was 18 months ago. You're doing great x

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KATY H(401)
Katy H(401)
12/04/2023 at 9:01 am
In answer to
Rebecca M(2220)

I think it took my 2 years to stop second guessing myself when I finally twigged that every fight just comes out in the wash. But it still hurts, and especially when it's from people close to you. My mum in law seemed to trigger my doubts the most myself. My now 3 year old ended up bed sharing at around 3 months, when I accidentally fell asleep with her in my arms in bed. I was exhausted, but never planned to bed share believing it dangerous etc, and my most hated phrase "a rod for my own back". It worked though, and I absolutely love it. At 2 we put a mattress on the floor of our room with a tent. From that day on she loved it, and that became her bed. We planned on her choosing how to decorate her room. Things kept getting in the way but now at 3 she's picked her colours, helped paint. And is open to moving in. Though she does get nightmares now, and is afraid of monsters. But at least she can tell me her fears now. It has worked for us, and it feels natural. No other mammal expects a baby to sleep alone. It's their instinct to want protection. Mine still prefers me in bed with her. She usually starts the night on her own and often I end up in bed with her halfway through the night. & I love it. Don't doubt yourself. For some it's right to move them straight to their own room. For others that's not right. Mine has always woken at least once in the night, and I didn't want to have to move rooms to tend to her. Do what feels right to you. Eventually you won't doubt yourself. I jumped on replying to your thread after realising you're exactly where I was 18 months ago. You're doing great x

Wow. Thank you so so much for replying. I wish I had time to reply to everyone and thank them. Your reply stood out most as so relevant and similar. Isnā€™t the self doubt the worst.

what you have described is exactly what I had planned and I'm so pleased that Iā€™m not alone in this.

so thank you for taking time out of your busy morning to reply.

I don't have any mum friends unfortunately as Iā€™m an older mum and Iā€™m a little bit of a recluse.


so glad your daughter transitioned well and I will most definitely be looking forward to the nights I can get in with her.


does she settle in her own room at night alone or whatā€™s your routine now at night?? Not sure if itā€™s a thing. Would have messaged you directly.


thanks again ā¤ļø

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CHAR T
Char T
12/04/2023 at 9:31 am

Hi Katy


Co-sleeping is biological normal and in my option absolutely lush. Who wouldnā€™t want to wake up next to your little angel?!


Lots of adults struggle to sleep alone and need to cuddle up to partners so why do we expect little ones to be any different?


People will judge you whatever you. For what itā€™s worth I think you sound like an amazing mum.

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