DH can't cope I'm thinking of leaving
3 answers /
Last post: 13/01/2023 at 7:28 pm
My DD is 2. DH and I have been together 20 years. I wanted children he was never sure in 2019 we finally decided to let nature take its course and we had our DD. I'm very maternal and took to parenting straight away. My DH didn't, he really struggles. My DD preference for everything is me and my DH hates it. My DD hates DH touching her doing anything for her... Some days he can walk in the room and DD will start crying saying "no daddy, go away daddy". I get there can be parental preference but this feels way more than this. I feel sorry for my DH and it clearly causes my DD distress too and I feel constantly stuck in the middle trying to mediate. I have never spoken out of turn about my DH in front of DD but she picks up on the vibe for sure. I think my DH has PTSD from our DD birth (which I sought treatment for). His reactions are getting worse and he mimics her nastily and has called her a "*****" when she lashed out and knocked his glasses off.
It's making us all miserable and my husband doesn't want to get help/support but I'm at my wits end and have to protect my DD. So does it sound extreme that I'm thinking of leaving with he?
I just can't carry on and I have to have my DD best interests at heart and if my husband can't cope or seek support... I feel I can't put us through it anymore. I do 99% of everything when it comes to my daughter anyway.
I love him but not enough to stay for my daughter to be in a toxic environment and have "daddy issues" because he refuses to get help.
Hello Natasha,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - Support for dads board, so you can get the advice and support you need.
Hi Natasha,
This situation sounds incredibly stressful, and importantly, your daughter's wellbeing is at the centre of everything for you.
You have asked whether it is extreme to be considering leaving, but you have also shared that the relationship is toxic and that you have asked your partner to seek help to make the environment happier and family relationships stronger, but he is refusing. It doesn't sound extreme Natasha, it just sounds like you are very aware that the way things are currently not healthy for anyone.
If you decide to end the relationship, do you have support from family and friends?
How do you feel your partner will react to that decision Natasha? Do you feel it will be a safe time for you?
It could be worthwhile to seek some expert support to make sure that you and your daughter remain safe. Women's Aid have a chat facility, do you feel able to reach out to them before taking any steps?
https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/
Please do feel welcome to keep chatting with us here too. Hopefully other members will also be along soon.
Katie x