Daughter drawn towards the "bad kids".
4 answers /
Last post: 02/04/2023 at 11:55 am
Daughter is at a good school, academically bright and has been doing well.
Sadly she has got a couple of new friends and they have a different attitude to one we want to instill.
Working hard is seen as not cool, they both want to be "influencers" when they grow up and post things on insta that I wouldn't allow my child to post. She thinks they are the bees knees, they are popular and the boys like them and I can see why she likes being with them but we want more for her.
How do we get past this? I can already see the amount of schoolwork she does is slipping and it will be her grades next. Help!
Hi Mum567 M
I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. I hear you are looking out for your daughter and you are concerned that these new friends are a bad influence. When we see others having a negative impact on our child’s behaviour there might be a temptation to try and separate them, but this could backfire and make the friendship seem even more appealing. I think the most important thing is honest and open communication with your daughter. To try and avoid any defensive behaviour on her part, try to start a conversation from a place of curiosity and try to hear it from her side too.
Family lives have some useful advice here about dealing with peer pressure that may be helpful: https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/health-wellbeing/peer-pressure?referer=/advice/teenagers
Hopefully our community members will be along soon to share their own experiences and guidance, I’m sure many parents of teenagers will relate to this tricky situation
Take care,
Kayleigh
I think with teenagers you have to just teach them to make good decisions and let them get on with it. Talk to your daughter about what she wants in the future, where she wants to be in life, and then talk about how she will get there-what qualifications, skills etc. Then maybe try and get her involved in something away from these girls-volunteering/Guides/Dancing/Exercise/ yoga whatever she might enjoy so that she has another group of friends and an alternative view of life. Also maybe ask school if she can move sets/form group away from them-she will probably not be happy at this at first but will thank you later.x
How old is she? If she is a teen all you can do is guide her and hope she makes the right decisions.... If she doesn't she will learn consequences to her decisions which is a life lesson. I have 4 daughters 2 are teens... The more you try to force them to do things your way the more they will do the opposite. You have to pick your battles at this stage. What I would suggest is having more discussions... Have a mum and daughter day.... Do something fun that you wouldn't usually do and let her know you know its hard being a teen, you're there for her and you just want the best...etc...maybe even invite the girls round and talk to them. It's easy to judge 'naughty kids' but there's always a reason behind it.