Ex back in contact with son advice please

Sorry a lot of typos as sleep deprived.

I didn't tell my son I thought it was because of him paying CM. I said I think I know why he contacting him.

I just don't want my son hurt again. He use to say my dad don't want to know me.

He seems so happy even I was too for my son. But in the kitchen he kept saying mum I know what your thinking I just kept laughing he said stop.

My ex and I don't get on it was very bad between us.

Now it's settled down but I just don't entertain it now. I did get annoyed thinking if it's for CM he contacting us even wanted to put something on my status but said no don't react let it go over your head.

Hi Michelle,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - child mental health, so you can get the advice and support you need

Hi Michelle,

I'm Loraine, one of the Netmums' Parent Supporters.

Thank you for posting your circumstances so honestly on here and well done for reaching out for advice and support.

At the end of your post you asked 'What should I do' and I need to check what that question refers to as you've described a number of issues in your post.

Are you wondering whether your son should continue to be in contact with his dad at all? If that's the case, can I ask if there's any kind of court order in place that allows him to have contact or have arrangements always been informal? The Child Law Advice service would be able to talk to you about where you stand legally if you explain your situation to them. You can access their details at: https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/contact/

If you're worried about the impact on your son's education or his mental health if the relationship goes bad, are you able to sit your son down and just explain why you're concerned? Are you or a 3rd party (maybe a family member or close friend) able to explain these concerns to your ex so that he realises the implications of getting back in touch?

Are you worried about the child maintenance stopping or your ex's reaction if he knows you've had a baby recently? In terms of child maintenance, you can chat to a government adviser online at: https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service/contact

In terms of your baby, this really isn't any of your ex's business, so I'm wondering why you're 'on edge' about it - have I picked that up right Michelle?

I hope some of this is helpful, but come back and give us some more information about what specifically you need advice on and we'll try our best to support you in any way we can.

Loraine x

It seemed like my ex was asking what my son was doing educational wise because he has to pay child maintenance. He messaged saying he been trying to contact my son about this.

They got back talk but he didn't ask me anything. I said to my son didn't you tell your dad you plan to go college.

Anyway today I contacted my ex sending a message on messenger.. saying my son happy to be in contact with him. Then said I won't tell you all the details but he plans to go college. Sorry to disturb him etc.

I am just worried he will upset my son by just backing off from him.

I just hope I am wrong. I mean a few times we spoken and haven't got into any argument.

I worry my son in year 11 about to start exams and if his relationship with his dad falls apart he be upset..

I don't mind him knowing I have had a baby but again don't want him to say stuff to my son.

Hi Michelle,

I'm Catherine, one of Loraine's colleagues here at Netmums. Thanks so much for coming back to us. Did you get a chance to look at any of the links Loraine suggested?

Co-parenting with an ex can be tough, especially if, as a mummy, you feel like they may have previously let your young person down. At your son's age, he is likely to have more independence and autonomy over his relationship with his dad which may mean that you are there in the background to support him and, if needs be, pick up the pieces in the future if he does feel let down. One of the most important things you can do is just make sure that your son knows you are always there for him.

I'm sure what you've shared will resonate with our community and hopefully some of them will be along soon to offer support and their experiences.

Take care

Catherine

I will look at the links sorry yesterday been dentist so recovering.

It's just my son seemed so happy. I think it's because of CM payments why he got in touch. I might of just assumed myself.

My mum already said stuff to my son and after that he seemed deflated. I said leave didn't say all that to him..We might be wrong. Even I said something stupid like if his dad asked him to visit would. My son looked at me and then I said well it's a bit soon yet.

He is 16 but has ADHD still can be quite naive.

He was happy to have spoken to his Uncle he even said something yesterday.

Sorry to answer I haven't really sat him down yet.

But my mum said a lot but I will say something.

Just seeing how things go. I just don't want to be stressed at the moment.