11YO Son being isolated by bully
13 answers /
Last post: 26/02/2023 at 2:17 pm
There is a boy in my sons class who has a very strange relationship with my son. Sometimes (rarely) they are friends but my son is only really friends with him because he suffers otherwise.
This other boy hurts my son and pushes him about and the minute my son pushes back or tells him to back off he accuses my Son of being a bully and 90% of the class take this other kids side.
I've spoken to school about it and obviously I'm under no illusion my son is perfect but the way it is dealt with is usually a direct talk with the two of them and being told to stay away from each other. When my son tries to stay away the other kid gets upset and accuses my son of bullying. The other kids then dislike my son and see him as the bad guy.
He very much feels like he can do no right. My son isn't the only one who has had issues with this child he has picked on my younger son before throwing his lunchbox across the hall and spilling his lunch etc and he's said some incredibly vile things to my cousins little girl too so I know its not just my 11 year old.
He does have other friends but I don't think any of them are comfortable getting involved and I just want this kid to be dealt with because clearly nothing has been working.
My son is so friendly and social and he's feeling so isolated and unwanted it's killing me. I just don't know how else to help.
Hi Rebecca
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Hi Rebecca,
I'm Emma, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. I’m sorry to read that your son is being bullied in this way in school. It is so horrible to watch them going through something like this.
It sounds like you are being very proactive in terms of supporting him, and you have a good relationship that you can communicate well with each other. That is very positive and a protective factor for him Rebecca.
Is your son in the last year of Primary school or 1st of Secondary? I'm asking because in secondary school they are able to move students into different classes to be able to keep certain students apart, Primary obviously won't be able to work in this way due to the small size. I'm sorry to hear how the schools' current approach is failing your son. Have you asked them about their anti bullying policies and procedures and the escalation process as this needs to be dealt within a different way for your son.
There’s lots of great support on the Young Minds website for yourself and your son that you might find helpful to look at. https://www.youngminds.org.uk/
I hope that some other members come along and share other ideas and experiences with you.
Take care,
Emma
Is it a small school. Can the school not keep them apart. Different class etc. This is what bullies do, they always turn it back on the person they are bullying and say they are the bully. It is so stressful when your kids is being bullied, but the school need to do more they have a duty of care. Good luck.
Is it a small school. Can the school not keep them apart. Different class etc. This is what bullies do, they always turn it back on the person they are bullying and say they are the bully. It is so stressful when your kids is being bullied, but the school need to do more they have a duty of care. Good luck.
It's not too big. Two classes per year. They have tried to separate them.
This other child has latched on to a previous issue. My son was picked on before by a different child. This child left the school and both him and his mum told all the other parents and children that the reason he left was because of my son. I looked into this thoroughly and it was found to not be true. However alot of parents and children still believe it is and this child is using this rumour again my son.
A lot of children in his class already think badly of him and its breaking my heart. The school addressed the children and told them it wasn't true but obviously they can't control the other parents. He just can't seem to catch a break. I was in tears this evening begging to move school. What's worse is that this bully has now joined the same Scout groups ad my son so he feels like he can't escape him.
It's not too big. Two classes per year. They have tried to separate them.
This other child has latched on to a previous issue. My son was picked on before by a different child. This child left the school and both him and his mum told all the other parents and children that the reason he left was because of my son. I looked into this thoroughly and it was found to not be true. However alot of parents and children still believe it is and this child is using this rumour again my son.
A lot of children in his class already think badly of him and its breaking my heart. The school addressed the children and told them it wasn't true but obviously they can't control the other parents. He just can't seem to catch a break. I was in tears this evening begging to move school. What's worse is that this bully has now joined the same Scout groups ad my son so he feels like he can't escape him.
Hi Rebecca,
This sounds so distressing for both of you.
You mentioned that your son has come home in tears today, are the things that the school have put in place not helping?
Is it worth calling for another meeting with them to talk about how he is feeling and explore why this situation isn't getting any better for him?
He deserves to feel safe at school.
Katie x
Can he move classes?
if not, I would be moving schools.
he will never get away from this child and it will ruin his confidence and his school years. My DD went through something similar and it’s taken YEARS for her to recover. She wasn’t classed as a bully but rather she couldn’t get away from this extremely toxic friend which then isolated her away from everyone else.
i’m so sorry you’re both going through this. It’s so awful.
Have you got other view points on this or just your sons? Kids lie to cover their backs
Maybe you should think of moving schools or home schooling because this can ruin a life.
But it sounds like he also needs to fix his self esteem so it doesn't restart with another kid elsewhere.
Can you sign him up for self defence, martial arts or boxing? Something that will help restore confidence?
It's not too big. Two classes per year. They have tried to separate them.
This other child has latched on to a previous issue. My son was picked on before by a different child. This child left the school and both him and his mum told all the other parents and children that the reason he left was because of my son. I looked into this thoroughly and it was found to not be true. However alot of parents and children still believe it is and this child is using this rumour again my son.
A lot of children in his class already think badly of him and its breaking my heart. The school addressed the children and told them it wasn't true but obviously they can't control the other parents. He just can't seem to catch a break. I was in tears this evening begging to move school. What's worse is that this bully has now joined the same Scout groups ad my son so he feels like he can't escape him.
Oh dear, that is terrible. We have been in the same situation. And it is not nice. And sadly it is the child that always have to move or leave. If your son is to stay in the scouts, have a chat with the leaders, so they are aware. You just feel like you are always having to be on alert to keep your child safe. Xx
Have you got other view points on this or just your sons? Kids lie to cover their backs
You do realise children get bullied and it has a detrimental affect on hheir mental health. But kids lie so they must be living. Really.
Can he move classes?
if not, I would be moving schools.
he will never get away from this child and it will ruin his confidence and his school years. My DD went through something similar and it’s taken YEARS for her to recover. She wasn’t classed as a bully but rather she couldn’t get away from this extremely toxic friend which then isolated her away from everyone else.
i’m so sorry you’re both going through this. It’s so awful.
They aren't in the same class. And in September they'll be going to different schools. Just trying to get through the rest of the year. The school are keeping them separate as much as possible.
Have you got other view points on this or just your sons? Kids lie to cover their backs
It's 100% the other child. Other children have backed this up. The child has picked on others before and the school have also confirmed this.