ive had enough, I’ve really really had enough, I’m so angry all the time, I don’t know how much more I can’t take of the way I’m living at this moment, I absolutely hate hate hate the man I live with, I resent and feel so much anger, there is no love no care towards him anymore. I’m exhausted, I’m tired and exhausted. It’s my home I’ve asked him to leave for the last year and he says he will find somewere and never does, when I lock him out he will be loud outside to draw attention and I let him in I feel embarrassed. He’s a crap father, he has never ever put his children to bed, never read them a story at night, never cooks for them, doesn’t clean “he says men shouldn’t clean” I’m currently sleeping on a mattress in my kids bedroom floor whilst he takes over my bed, he doesn’t work, he goes out around 1pm every day with his friends hanging around and doesn’t come home until 1-2am weekdays, weekends he goes to after parties until 6-7am, he’s 47yrs old. He comes home drunk waking the whole house up, starts cooking, calling all his family in another country on FaceTime shouting “talking” my 2 kids have additional needs, ASD, I’m up all day alone with them, when he is home he will do zoom calls at 2am-3am-4am he doesn’t care, my walls are plaster board I get woken every single night, I’ve been telling him for ages it wakes me up and he still continues and calls me crazy to his family and they all laugh, whenever I want to eat out I always have to pay for his food, he never pays for anything, I was abandoned by my dad at 10, he use to batter my mum and us children I haven’t seen or heard from him for 20yrs, he was alcoholic, he battered us too, my mum had to flee, he got my number somehow and called me 2yrs ago and tell me he should of put my mum in black bags and that I need to change my 2nd name because I can’t have his, I got upset about it the other day watching a advert and this man I lived with laughed and said “at least you got a dad” I wouldn’t consider myself having a father, I told him I have no father and he argued with me for ages sticking up for my dad although he has never met my dad and my dad has never met his grandchildren, I’ve had enough, I’m so sleep deprived, he will sleep all day then get up, go out, come home and do video calls loud all night and doesn’t care when me or the kids get woken, I get called crazy when I tell him I want to sleep. He makes things up and tells me i do stuff when I don’t, he stood on my brand new charger lead and snapped it in front of me and stood there and completely denied it and told me I was lying, he wakes up and accuses me of stealing money from his wallet although I have not touched his wallet, he says he counted it before bed when I have never stole in my life, he gambles a lot of borrows money, he must of won some money a couple of weeks for Christmas, I had to sit and watch him pack 5 large barrels full of new clothes, food, electricals, shoes, perfumes £1000 speaker, toys about £4k worth of stuff to send back to his country and he didn’t get our kids 1 present, not even £5 towards a present just nothing, I had to do it all alone and when I said I wasn’t happy he started shouting saying I think I’m superior than him and he will go and find another woman, he went out drinking Xmas eve, promised to come back earlier to help fix the bike together that I brought our daughter, he let us down, he came home drunk at 4:30am and slept til 2:30pm, woke up and didn’t even come down to say merry Xmas, he just videoed his family instead. Tonight I’ve been called crazy and mad woman again because I asked him to stop being loud if video calls at 1am. I’ve had enough. It may all seem minor to you but to me it’s a every day thing and the anger I have inside of my is really bad right now. I know I shouldn’t say this but I don’t want him part of mine and my daughters life. Our little girl was born 31/01/2021 she was 1lb 4oz and he was never there for me during my pregnancy I was so sick and he was out every day and night, when she was in nicu he was barely coming to see her, I was seeing messages of another woman laughing at me they were sleeping together. All I’ve wanted him to do is leave, I don’t wish for him to be part of our life anymore. I cry with anger every night. I no longer leave him house, I feel so down I just don’t know we’re to turn.

This doesn’t sound minor at all he sounds like he is being controlling and abusive. It’s your house so tell him to leave and if he doesn’t call the police. From what you’ve said it doesn’t sound like you have a partnership he’s using your place as somewhere to sleep and just doing whatever he wants living the single life and making your life hell.Do you have family around you can talk to?

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At my wits end - Page: 2

24 answers /

Last post: 23/03/2023 at 7:40 pm

A.H.(18)

10/01/2023 at 12:20 am

Please don't feel you need to live this life. There is so much help and support for you. Women's Aid will support and guide you and the police will have empathy and ways to protect you. This is not how a real man treats a women. When he goes out lock the doors and get those locks changed. Then place his belongings outside for him to collect. Don't listen to him, teach your children this is now how a relationship works, they ate to expect more... you are worth more!

Lucy J(37)

10/01/2023 at 6:53 am

Bless you, what a horrific situation. Your number 1 priority is keeping you and the children safe. Please do call the helplines that have been posted in this thread. He is abusing you and it is unlikely to change. Stay safe and seek help. God bless. Xx

Sarah D(61)

10/01/2023 at 7:17 am

This is abuse, no other way around it so sadly.

You need some support on this, do you have family or a friend who can help?

I would ring women's aid they will have all the proper advice you will need.

But my opinion would be have a family member or friend stay over for a few nights, get the locks changed. Message him telling him it's over the locks are changed and the police are aware of whats happened because I'm scared (you don't have to ring them beforehand) then say if you come round they will be phoned.

If you really want to, you could phone 101 phone advice say you think you are a victim of abuse and explain what your day to day life is like. I reckon they could get an injunction in place on him to stay away from you, just from the small bit you have described.

I hope you get the support you need ❤️

Becky N(2427)

10/01/2023 at 12:44 pm

Call the police. This is absolutely domestic abuse and he sounds absolutely horrible. Its in your favor that its your house and they should definitley be able to help you. I'd also recommend getting in touch with a domestic abuse charity, there are usually local ones and they'll be able to offer you things like counselling and practical advice on what your rights are and what you can do.

Wka21

10/01/2023 at 12:45 pm

Ohhh lovely girl you need to get rid of him. As harsh as it sounds I think he's actually using you aswell as abusing you. If he's more concerned about sending things 'back to his home country' rather than providing for his kids then that tells me you're just providing a roof over his head and he's not really interested in being a family.

You are worth more than that.

Don't answer the door, let him make a fuss, call the police, get a restraining order.

June B(103)

10/01/2023 at 2:58 pm

Has something changed or has he always been like this? How did you end up living with and having a child with someone like this? I don’t meant that in a nasty way, i’m just confused/curious.

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Ater P(2)

11/01/2023 at 11:36 pm

Hi Jessica, I am so sorry you’re experiencing this. You don’t deserve it. None of this is minor, it is all abusive, gaslighting and really awful behaviour. It sounds so horribly difficult and I feel for you. No wonder you feel angry; the lack of sleep and this man’s shocking, horrendous behaviour would make anyone furious. Women’s Aid will be able to help and support you, they have experience with this sort of thing and will understand how difficult it is to do things like lock him out if he then creates a commotion late at night. A book recommendation for you: ‘Why Does he do that? Inside the minds of angry and controlling men’. It’s by Lundy Bancroft. It’s a very illuminating read. I wish you great happiness and peace x

Debbie B(629)

15/01/2023 at 11:14 am

Hi Jessica

how is the situation currently for you?

i do hope there has been improvement and you have been able to access help and support.

you deserve to live a life that’s calm and nurturing

please check back in to your post to share how you are 🙏🏻 Folk that have seen your plea will be worrying if you are ok or not

i wonder if you might find this helpful https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

its a programme for people that are experiencing (or have experienced in the past) domestic violence or coercive relationships

it is free and you can attend face to face sessions at a programme near you or opt to do it online

it has very good feedback and is non judgemental

it may help your peace of mind whatever your circumstances

wishing you many blessings for positive life going forward xx

Tracey B(910)

23/03/2023 at 7:40 pm

Hi jessica im also in the very same situation as you down to even asking him to leave and been so embarrassed by him banging and roaring when ive locked the door i open it not to draw attention to the neighbours i have 5 kids 4 with additional needs and the do not sleep well at night and wake to the slightest sound at night when hes roaring over losing a bet i beg him to lower his voice he will get louder in spite im so exchausted and do everthing myself while he does not work and sleeps most of the day or will go to the bookies for hours he does not do a thing or pays towards anything for the house or kids i have gone to the stage of feeling completely numb and disconnected and sick of begging for help from been so exchausted.

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