I'm having an affair
3 answers /
Last post: 14/03/2023 at 11:20 pm
I met up with my first love from 30 years ago and we started an affair with him 18 months ago. I still love him. We have fun and the sex is amazing. I'm frustrated with my husband as he has Erectile dysfunction and although he sought medical advice, he never took anything on board. My lover makes me feel desired and loved.
I still have two children living at home, so I don't want to leave them but I'm so unhappy.
Hi Cheryl,
I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. I’m sorry to hear how unhappy you are feeling at the moment. You have found fulfilment with someone else, but you recognise leaving would impact on your children and don’t want to be separated from them.
Leaving a long term relationship is a big decision and it is understandable to be left feeling hesitant especially when there are children involved, but if this was something you wanted you can continue to have a good relationship with your children. Some parents worry about their children being emotionally impacted by the separation, but actually it can be healthier for them if there is a negative atmosphere at home.
If the physical element is what you’re missing in your relationship, but you're still emotionally close, you could also consider couples counselling to work through these issues, if this felt right for you.
Relate have a helpful article about telling your partner that you are unhappy in your relationship: https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help/how-tell-your-partner-youre-not-happy-your-relationship
This may be useful if you would like to start this conversation but it feels daunting
If you would like some further help from the parent supporter team, you can make a thread in our Drop in clinic here: https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/drop-clinic-984/
Wishing you all the best,
Kayleigh
How would you feel if it was other way round. My partner has low sex drive etc not even wanted it in years but I'd never go cheat we have children and we have a good relationship bar the no sex which I'm hoping does resolve one day yes I feel upset he never wants sex or tries it but if I even thought about cheating I'd have to leave its an awful thing to do to someone and he deserves to know.
Its very hurtful and the fact your hiding it for over a year is very bad.i would leave him b4 alot more hurt is done because even if he got help for Ed you have still been unfaithful and the children don't deserve a mum who's going out cheating how have u kept it so quiet.
How would u feel if it was other way round. Nobody deserves be cheated on and when it's found out and everything gets found out kids etc will be hurt its better to end before it gets that way