Child time
7 answers /
Last post: 23/08/2022 at 9:00 pm
Hello can anyone advise. My and my wife had really good jobs but I'm may 2020 my wife fell ill and now I'm her carer. My child maintenance went to zero from a previous relationship. I kept paying this money but now I'm at a point where we cannot afford it with the cost of living. I have my daughter every single weekend and in the holiday I have 4 nights a week. I travel 200 miles a week to pick her up and drop her off at her mum's. I've tried to keep the peace but I've told her I just can't afford it anymore. Today I went to pick my daughter up to have my exs boyfriend at the door threatening to assault me over the money and saying I'm scum because I don't work and put my new wife first. Also she is now going to change her hours at work from September so I see my daughter hardly ever she made me feel like a convient babysitter for her as it was all I don't need your help anymore. I tried to say all your doing is hurting our daughter. I'm the one who has taken her on holiday this year twice. I've done everything I can to see my daughter. At my house she gets everything she needs. I'm the one who found her a dentist not her mum. I'm the one who pays for her swimming lessons because her mum says she couldn't find anywhere but I had to find somewhere in my time to do it. She also has thanked me in the passed for everything I've done for Emily. My wife suffers from repeated seizures every day and today she had one for over an hour because of the stress of him and her threatening me at the door. What can I do about this? I'm worried that this attitude is damaging my daughter and she shouldn't see this at all. She tells me she likes coming to mine. This is the same boyfriend who cristised my daughter and had a go at her for wetting the bed. I'm just lost where to go without anymore stress for me my daughter and my wife.
Playing devil's advocate, if you've afforded 2 holidays etc, then you could have used this towards future maintenance instead.
Given the situation. I would report the threats to the police 101. It maybe that he's history for this and as a result of this and the bed wetting issue I'd complete a police Claire law request to check that he's safe to be around your child. I'd also consider reporting to social services what's happened to try and safeguard your child.
I would also put money towards mediation. She'll mist likely refuse. Then apply to court for a child arrangements order. That would be a couple of hundred pounds and doesn't require solicitors.
Applying for formal contact, requesting that your ex does half of the travel, possibly even residency dependent on the outcome of the police enquiries above.
Playing devil's advocate, if you've afforded 2 holidays etc, then you could have used this towards future maintenance instead.
Given the situation. I would report the threats to the police 101. It maybe that he's history for this and as a result of this and the bed wetting issue I'd complete a police Claire law request to check that he's safe to be around your child. I'd also consider reporting to social services what's happened to try and safeguard your child.
I would also put money towards mediation. She'll mist likely refuse. Then apply to court for a child arrangements order. That would be a couple of hundred pounds and doesn't require solicitors.
Applying for formal contact, requesting that your ex does half of the travel, possibly even residency dependent on the outcome of the police enquiries above.
Thank you for your reply. I know what you say about the holidays but they where book a long time ago and it was only camping as we can't leave the country because of my wife's health. But if I did all this would it not just cause more trouble
Thank you for your reply. I know what you say about the holidays but they where book a long time ago and it was only camping as we can't leave the country because of my wife's health. But if I did all this would it not just cause more trouble
You have to look at things from worse case scenario. If there's safeguarding concerns and you ignore them, then you're guilty by association and due to complacency, and could find that something awful has happened. Not intending to scare, but look in the media at some of the horror stories.
Court means that legally she shouldn't withhold contact and if she does, you'd return to court for breaching.
It would also mean that if the partner is unsuitable of being around the child this would be again reinforced by the process.
Hi Rich,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - support for dads board, so you can get the advice and support you need.
Hi there Rich,
I'm Ashley, one of the Netmums Parent Supporters. Thank you for posting.
This sounds a stressful situation, Rich. I can understand that you want to get a resolution quickly. Can I ask if the arrangements for your contact with your daughter are court-ordered, or if they were agreed just between you and your ex?
CAB have great information here about the different options available to you to make sure your daughter gets access to see you: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/making-agreements-about-your-children/making-child-arrangements/
You can also go through the Child Maintenance Service to make sure you are paying the required minimum amount to support your daughter (based on your income), without having to deal directly with your ex and her partner: https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service
And do remember to contact the Police to report any threats or aggression from your ex and her partner - you shouldn't have to accept that.
I hope that's some help.
Ashley
Hi there Rich,
I'm Ashley, one of the Netmums Parent Supporters. Thank you for posting.
This sounds a stressful situation, Rich. I can understand that you want to get a resolution quickly. Can I ask if the arrangements for your contact with your daughter are court-ordered, or if they were agreed just between you and your ex?
CAB have great information here about the different options available to you to make sure your daughter gets access to see you: https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/making-agreements-about-your-children/making-child-arrangements/
You can also go through the Child Maintenance Service to make sure you are paying the required minimum amount to support your daughter (based on your income), without having to deal directly with your ex and her partner: https://www.gov.uk/child-maintenance-service
And do remember to contact the Police to report any threats or aggression from your ex and her partner - you shouldn't have to accept that.
I hope that's some help.
Ashley
Hello it's between me and my ex. She gave me more access in the pandemic because she had to work so I did everything I could I do all the driving at least 200 miles a week to pick her up and drop her off. My case has always been with the Child maintenance service there saying for the last 2 years I don't have to pay because of my situation with my wife and I overpaid by 3500 pounds when I was working as they got it wrong. I kept paying 110 pound a month for 2 and half years even though child maintenance said I didn't have to. It's just at the point now where I can't afford it and I pay for clubs and clothes on top. My ex always wants my maintenance money and them will say I need you to go out and buy your daughter a coat which I have always done. I just feel like I'm having my daughter just as much and I'm paying for everything twice and all the petrol well she bosses me around.