Partner watching porn
3 answers /
Last post: 16/03/2023 at 5:41 pm
So today I caught my partner trawling through a porn sight and it’s destroyed what little self esteem I had left! Im currently 11 weeks postpartum after having my little boy through a traumatic birth ending in an emergency C-section and although I’ve never had a lot of confidence in my appearance it’s hit an all time low since having my DS.
I only wear baggy clothes to hide my postpartum body. It’s very rare that I get chance/time to do any sort of self care such as hair and make up so most of the time I’m bare faced with my hair in the usual “mum bun”.
I understand that I’m not the most attractive person for my partner to look at atm and he’s probably not got any desire to “try it on” with me whilst I’m covered in spit up and god knows what else, but I didn’t realise how catching him watching porn would hurt me so badly I think it’s the thought of him getting pleasure from watching another woman do things. I guess I just want to hear that I’m not alone in feeling like this? and any tips to maybe help regain some self confidence after having a baby would be greatly appreciated. Thank you In advance x
Hey have you two been having sex or none at all? If you haven't and he's using this instead then that is wrong as he should be having sex with you first but if you have been rejecting him then using it is perfectly okay I'd have no problem if we were also having sex and he needed it more but I'm not up to it. But if it's zero and none of u are trying to have it then its an issue and is hurtful and needs be addressed x
My partner has low sex drive I use it only for few mins get the job done still love him and wouldn't mind vice versa but if he was not doing it with me and using this instead I'd be very upset x
Hey have you two been having sex or none at all? If you haven't and he's using this instead then that is wrong as he should be having sex with you first but if you have been rejecting him then using it is perfectly okay I'd have no problem if we were also having sex and he needed it more but I'm not up to it. But if it's zero and none of u are trying to have it then its an issue and is hurtful and needs be addressed x
My partner has low sex drive I use it only for few mins get the job done still love him and wouldn't mind vice versa but if he was not doing it with me and using this instead I'd be very upset x
Hi Sophie - I hope you are ok with a guy replying but I wanted to say its totally understandable for you to feel like this and If its not something you both are ok with then probably a bit of a shock.
My view is that while you might have found it really bad, he probably needed/wanted something visual and used it just to get the job done and I would assure you that it doesn't means he thinks anything less of you or that he doesn't find you attractive. When you are a new mum the priorities obviously change and that includes time for self care which I think and hope most men understand and are fine with. I think as you have had a C-section this would be even more valid.
I do think you should both talk about it and try to move forward so you are both on the same page
Hope that helps a little and good luck :-)