Welfare checks

You need a conversation with mum to establish a sensible contact routine. Just texting hi mum in the morning and before bed time should be enough.

If she keeps requesting checks for no reason she may abuse the system and end up not getting one when one is actually needed.

What are her concerns?

The OP has described her home life as being difficult and with a partner living in the family home who in the midst of addiction so most likely concerns are around this. Xx

Hi Bethany,

I hope you are well.

well done for your bravery in sharing your current circumstances and reaching out for advice.

Are you still in the assessment stage with SServices? I spent a number of years in the referral and assessment team so would have been the assessing social worker in cases such a your own (it sounds like you haven’t been open to SS for that long but I could be mistaken).

It’s not the norm for grandparents to request a welfare visit from a social worker , especially an immediate one. The can raise concerns that will be addressed according to need/risk but for an immediate welfare check that would be the police. If she gives them the information that you’ve just given us, that she spoke with you an hour ago and now aren’t answering texts but nothing to her knowledge has happened she’s just concerned because of your partner and his drug addiction (which you are receiving support from social services for and they are fully aware) then I’m not too confident they’d give it any sort of immediate response (I can’t say for sure tho as not the police but I’d be extremely surprised, I think a telephone call at the most but that’s just from my experience).

Under what category are you open to SSs? I don’t know if it’s appropriate for you but perhaps invite your Mam into the end of your child’s review and set some boundaries with support from the social worker.

That type of control is verging on control and coercion.

sending love and hugs

d Xx

Hi Bethany,

I can heard how stressful this is for you and I understand how difficult it can be coping with a partners addiction, so to have any added stress can be just too much.

When a parent is struggling with addiction, Social services should be there to offer any support needed - they will want to assess and monitor what, if any, the impact is of the addiction for the child in the family and how any risks can be mitigated. For example, it may be that your partner should not be left in sole charge of your little one until he is clear from his recovery.

Does your mum truly believe that you or your son are in immediate danger? Would this fear be justified? If you are in immediate danger then surely it would be a case of getting away from the home to keep you both safe?

Could you speak to your social worker about this and explain that your mums expectations are creating more stress for you.

Do you feel able to calmly explain to your mum that you have things in hand, you already have the support you need and really appreciate her concern but it is simply not practical to expect hourly communications when you’re trying to maintain a normal routine for you and your child. I think she needs to know that this will just add more stress for you in an already challenging time.

All the best xx

They wont do a welfare check that often like there would have to be very good reason speaking to your mam once a day on the phone should be enough and maybe a couple of messages but does she expect you to be texting every hour after you go to bed etc if not she's happy to leave you in that time so why not longer during the day!! Is your parnt3r violent or ever been??

Hi Bethany, sorry to hear about your difficulties. I feel as though your Mum is being very unreasonable here, phoning every hour is a massive ask. Her threatening behaviour is far from supportive as well and is more like blackmail. If it were me I would call her bluff and tell her to call them, if there is nothing to find there is nothing to worry about, you can’t live your life in fear of your mothers threats, I mean you can’t even take a nap! It’s pretty outrageous. You have enough on your plate without fear of your Mum ‘telling on you’. I would purposely not speak to her for a while if this is how she is going to be. Life is hard enough without people making it harder. Good luck.

Anyone can request a welfare check on someone whether through SS or the police. If through SS, they will more than likely contact the police to perform the check so they wouldn't come round straight away and it all depends of they have any available officers at the time. They won't take her seriously though if she phones them up every hour just because you've missed a check in. Whoever does the welfare check can't force entry into the peoperty(would need a warrant for that) unless they saw something that needed immediate and emergency attention. I can see where your mother is coming from as she is only worried about you but that doesn't give her the right to try and control when you contact her and just because he is trying to stop an addiction doesn't mean that you and your child are in danger. Has he been violent in the past which is why your mum is like this or is it just because he's trying to recover from an addiction. If it's the latter, then he needs your mums support not her condemnation.