Social services have been called on my sister 3 times
8 answers /
Last post: 07/03/2023 at 1:33 pm
Hi I am just looking for some advice from strangers as they can view this as a third party and give honest advice.
My sister seems to have a drinking problem. She drinks 1-2 bottles of wine almost every night of the week. She has a 4 year old daughter. She doesn't believe she has a problems she says it's to relax her. She let my mum live with her who is also an alcoholic and things have gone worse since then. With them both drinking together whilst the child is in the house. Major arguments have happend. My sister has got aggressive. 1. Going up to her exes house smashing his windows her hitting him then him punching her and her being arrested. Social services have been in touch with her to check all the background and warn her if she continued the relationship her daughter may be taken away. So she decided she will just sneak and see him on the sly. 2. My sister and mum had gotten into a drunken argument about said ex. My sister then pushed my mum down the stairs snapped a brush head off the handle and continued to beat my mum causing her a broken hip and ribs. She rang her an ambulance 2 days later. My mum ended up in a coma and had a heart attack she's did recover. The story told was my mum drunkenly fell down stairs. Social services got involved again to do a background check on my sister as her daughter was in the home when my mum 'fell' down the stairs and paramedics saw the house (wine bottles) both hungover/ my sister still with alcohol in her system. My sister told a story that it was her exes sister who phoned social services on her as a vendetta. But I do believe it was the paramedics as police questioned my sister and tried to question my mum but she was unconscious. The 3rd time they have been called was due to another drunken argument which resulted in my mum being punched and calling the police they then arrested my sister and removed my mum and put her in a womens refuge. My sister is disgusted my mum would call the police on her. And I've heard both sides of the story there are many lies on both sides. So I stick to the facts I know. My sister let my mum stay knowing they both like to drink and are volatile when they do. My mum can say very hurtful things and provoke people she has done this with many people throughout the years. But my sister never asked her to leave sober and continued to drink with her. And the poor child is in the house when all this is going on. My sister believes she has done no wrong and lashed out because she was fed up of my mother's drinking. But she has always done this when she herself is drinking.
I have both of them telling me different story's but I can't abandon my niece but I do not agree with the brutality of my sisters actions. No charges were made against her my mum dropped them social services is still ongoing with my sister. But she hides her alcoholism well. And she's never laid a finger on her daughter. But mentally I dont think she's doing her any good.
What do I do? I have two children of my own. we both had a traumatic upbringing with abusive father. But it's not an excuse
Hi Natalie,
I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Thank you for reaching out. It sounds like a really tough situation to watch what is going on with your niece, mum and sister but you feel like you 'can't abandon my niece'. Have you been able to chat about your worries to your sister or mum?
You've mentioned that you had a 'traumatic upbringing' and I can hear your worries for your niece. There has been research done in the last few years into 'Adverse Childhood Experiences' which shows that our early experiences as a child can massively impact our development and the adults we become. Living with a parent who has difficulties with alcohol would be one of those factors shown to impact on how a child develops so it would definitely agree with your instincts.
Natalie, would you consider chatting to social services and letting them know what is going on? Their jobs are to keep kids safe and your information would help to give them a fuller and more accurate picture of what is going on. If you feel uncomfortable doing this, which is completely understandable given it is your sister, the NSPCC have a service where information can be shared anonymously. I've linked their website here : How to report child abuse without any worries | NSPCC Given what you have shared, I think it would be really important for it to be passed on to protect your niece, to support your sister and also so you are not carrying this worry alone.
Please come back to us if you want to chat some more
Take care
Catherine
Hi Natalie,
I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums working alongside Catherine. We’re all responsible for the safeguarding of children and their safety, so I want to thank you for reaching out for help with this. I can understand why these circumstances are not sitting right with you, you are absolutely right to be concerned about your niece. I wonder if she was present at these incidents? Being witness to violence can have a lasting impact on children.
You mentioned your sister ‘never laid a finger on her daughter. But mentally I dont think she's doing her any good.’ I think your instincts are right Natalie, you are thinking of her mental wellbeing amongst these incidents.
I understand why you are left unsure what to do, it may feel conflicting because this is happening within the family, but I would urge you to report this. As Catherine said, each piece of information can help social services build up a more accurate picture of what is going on and what support needs to be put in place. You can have a look at the link Catherine shared if you would prefer to report this anonymously as well.
Take care,
Kayleigh
Hi Natalie,
I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums working alongside Catherine. We’re all responsible for the safeguarding of children and their safety, so I want to thank you for reaching out for help with this. I can understand why these circumstances are not sitting right with you, you are absolutely right to be concerned about your niece. I wonder if she was present at these incidents? Being witness to violence can have a lasting impact on children.
You mentioned your sister ‘never laid a finger on her daughter. But mentally I dont think she's doing her any good.’ I think your instincts are right Natalie, you are thinking of her mental wellbeing amongst these incidents.
I understand why you are left unsure what to do, it may feel conflicting because this is happening within the family, but I would urge you to report this. As Catherine said, each piece of information can help social services build up a more accurate picture of what is going on and what support needs to be put in place. You can have a look at the link Catherine shared if you would prefer to report this anonymously as well.
Take care,
Kayleigh
If the child witnesses any DV or DA they are classed as a victim. They do not need to be hit. They are already being abused.
The effects of sensing, hearing, and seeing DA impact on children in many different ways, especially on those under 5 years old.
The Police will have contacted the school or nursery following any DV or DA incident they are called to.
You would be helping the child if you consider making a report to NSPCA or similar to get further support in place asap.
Apologies as I forget to unclick the reply directly box and it looks like I am always replying to the previous poster.
Apologies as I forget to unclick the reply directly box and it looks like I am always replying to the previous poster.
Thank you I have thought about contacting social services to give my view on the matter as my sister does seem to mask the situation. I have spoken to both my mum and sister my mum agrees she does need mental help and my sister is in denial she has any problems at all. I have been told my niece was always sleeping during all the incidents but I don't know if that's the truth or not. And I would hate for her to be taken away if it did her more harm than good. I'm just so worried of what will happen to my niece.
Thank you I have thought about contacting social services to give my view on the matter as my sister does seem to mask the situation. I have spoken to both my mum and sister my mum agrees she does need mental help and my sister is in denial she has any problems at all. I have been told my niece was always sleeping during all the incidents but I don't know if that's the truth or not. And I would hate for her to be taken away if it did her more harm than good. I'm just so worried of what will happen to my niece.
Doesn't matter that she is asleep.
She is in the home when it happens, Will hear and sense things. She will see the repercussions, any injuries, and comments between the two and sense anxiety and stress.
The Police must have reported it on to SS and contacted the school as required. If you know something then report it. If you don't know anything then don't
Doesn't matter that she is asleep.
She is in the home when it happens, Will hear and sense things. She will see the repercussions, any injuries, and comments between the two and sense anxiety and stress.
The Police must have reported it on to SS and contacted the school as required. If you know something then report it. If you don't know anything then don't
I am going to report it because I don't know for certain that the police have forwarded all events to social services. And I would rather them know everything so they can make the best decision. Thank you