Daughter 12 Being Bullied

Hi Steph,

We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - child mental health board, so you can get the advice and support you need

Thanks. How do I find a reply or answer with that

Hi Steph

I'm Catherine, one of the Parent Supporters here at Netmums. Thank you for sharing - hopefully some of our community will be along soon to offer support and advice.

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is being bullied and you are feeling 'lost and i just want to see that beautiful smile back on her face'. It sounds like she is having a horrible experience but she is also doing really well in school and is attending clubs. When you talk to her about what is going on, does she tell you how she is feeling? Do you feel it is affecting her mood?

It can be so tough as a parent seeing your child going through challenges. Are you able to continue to update school and push them to support your daughter? Have you anyone you trust for support to chat through how you are feeling?

I'm going to link some information from the NSPCC about bullying. It has a helpful section for Parents and Carers that you might find a useful read. Here is the link: Helping Children Deal with Bullying & Cyberbullying | NSPCC

Please come back to us if you want to chat some more

Catherine

Hi, thanks for reply. Yes I speak to her Constantly, and she is getting so fed up with my asking snd my questions all the time. But I just worry so so much because she hid alot from me at the start of all this so I am obsessing a bit about it I think. But it's just because I am so worried about her. She tells me sometimes that she doesn't want to be here anymore which to a mother is the last thing you ever want to hear. She is so outgoing or was shall I say before all of this so she is now indoors most of the time doing the things she loves in the comfort and safety of her home. But I worry that will just make her more isolated. So I just don't know what to do for the better. We attend youth events that specialise in bullying and anxiety etc when ever they are on in our area. Anything I can do to help. But I fear that nothing is helping her now. She sometimes shuts me out which then only makes me worry more and then we argue and cry then make up and cry so it's a never ending cycle of emotion and the sadness in our lives just now is so draining we just are not happy people anymore. And I just don't know what to do. X

Could you move her school? My child was severely bullied in primary school and I deliberated over it for ages, finally made the move and it was the best thing I could have done. I wish so much I had done it sooner. I always said if anything similar happened again, I wouldn’t hesitate. Also, it has had a knock on effect mental health wise since being in high school, so if need be I would deregister if I absolutely had to. Get her out of that situation (if you can) would be my advice. You could go and visit some other schools at the very least?

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Have the school followed their anti bullying policy? This should be available on the school website. It's worth going back again and asking for more input, especially if they have not followed it.

You mentioned some of the bullying was through social media, so there is proof of who has said what. This can be used at school and reported to the police. There is lots of information about cyber bullying and how it can be tackled https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/bullying-and-cyberbullying/&ved=2ahUKEwigm--E1sD9AhWzRkEAHW77DF8QFnoECBkQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3vaakWuIC4shMtgYAS1g9J

Hi Steph,

I share your problem, quite literally. My daughter is 13. She started self-harming.

Rather than have suggestions, I can tell you what I have done, and what I will do if needed:

Firstly, I talked with my daughter about 'pockets of friends' and we've worked together to expand her activities out of school to ensure she has friendship options in other places, which help remind her that she's loveable. This is the long game, not a quick fix.

She's now super busy outside of school, and does lots of very uncool activities like Scouts, wind band and sewing club. These are places the nicest kids hang out. It gives her much less time to dwell on it all.

One of her new clubs is martial arts.

I had a meeting with the school which went along the lines of: 'she's not coming to school until we've had a meeting' the 'she's never setting foot in that class again'. Which helped a lot. I'm absolutely ferocious with the school, I won't allow them to let it go.

We drop her off and pick her up as the school bus is like the Wild West.

I talk with a lot about the kinds of people who bully, about how bullies are never happy, about how kids with small lives and small futures are most likely to bully - because they imagine themselves and their opinions to be of importance - no world view. That it will end, it is definitely not forever.

I've explained that both which school she goes to and whether or not she goes to school at all are completely in her control. She can change school, or she can be home schooled at any time she decides it's all too much. (I don't ever want her to feel that she's got no escape), so going to school at all is within her control, she's never trapped. I remind her of this occasionally.

I explain often that older teenagers don't generally behave like this, they're all much more inclusive and getting on with their own lives as they get older. Also as they take options in later years, classes get mixed up a lot more, and people generally find their tribe.

I hope some of these things help a bit.

Wow that's a hard read and hits home only too much. I honestly cannot believe that there is so many of us going through the same stuff. Well done u. The school situation I'm at a point now that the head teacher is probably sick of seeing or hearing me but i really do not care. They are not doing enough to deter these people from my daughter. All she wants to do is go there and learn she loves school just not the people in it. Only last night a Saturday night there was a snap chat group made with tonnes of them calling her names ***** her telling her to join the call or else. My daughter can hold her own and did voice back what she was thinking but again was only after this is all said first to her. And has the screenshots to prove it. My family keep telling me to involve the police but I really don't think they will do anything. My daughter is at a few clubs after school like in the PM time after dinner I take her to and pick up. Activities, arts and crafts etc all the stuff she loves and is other people there to chat to but not quite sure if friendships will be lead from it. I can only hope. At the moment my daughter feels she has no where to turn to. But I reassure her that she is not alone and never ever be ashamed to tell a teacher If she feels unsafe. And I will be at the school within minutes. It's all getting too much for us x