Why does my toddler not want to stay with me anymore?

Hi Slem,

I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. I imagine this has been tough to manage and hurtful for you too. You are doing everything you can to provide a happy environment in your home but you’re noticing your son is becoming more resistant to visits.

It can be a mind field trying to unpick the behaviours of young children, as so many factors could be playing a part in this. It could be a phase of separation anxiety, this tends to ebb and flow throughout young childhood and your son may be feeling particularly resistant to being apart from his mum at the moment.

Have there been any changes in your son’s life around the time this resistance started? Young children thrive on consistency and even small changes can have an impact on them.

Netmums have some more information about separation anxiety here: https://www.netmums.com/support/separation-anxiety-in-toddlers There is some guidance on things you can do to manage this along with your son’s mum

If you would like some further support from the parent supporter team, you can make a thread in our drop in clinic, we have a Support for Dads board here: https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/drop-clinic-984/support-for-dads/

Wishing you all the best,

Kayleigh

Hi,

Thanks for your reply.

There hasn't been any major change. I did go on holiday for a few weeks without him and he also went away without seeing me for a few weeks but both occasions were last summer and he was fine after.

His behaviour towards me changed very gradually.

I've submitted this to the drop in clinic as per your advice.

Thanks.

You need spend more time with him visits few times a week and weekend stay over

Make his visits Fun

How often do you see him if he's with mum all week and only seeing you s few hours a week he's going naturally want mum

You need do a visit in week with tea and a few hours visit and sleepovers say Friday and Saturday nights x

It must be very hard for you but I can assure you it's nothing you've done wrong, he is just going through a phase, just like all toddlers do...even those with both parents in the home. Would it be possible for you to spend some time with him in his own home and for his Mum to spend time with him in yours? Also have him bring some special bits from home with him to yours. How is he if you ring his Mum from yours so he can speak to her?

This is normal from the picture you have painted.

Mum is the default parent, caring for child most of the time, you only see child a few hours a week so naturally child will want mum more.

Mum took child on a holiday and you took yourself on a holiday, could you not have taken your child to spend time with them?

I suggest changing the schedule so you can spend more time together, mum deserves a break too.

Do not take it personally and do not give up, its a phase i think they all go through, heck my kids dad can be in the same room as them and they will come search for me iv only popped to the loo. Just have to bare with lo, i find every 6 weeks the phase changes they have.

Definitely a phase but try not to let that contact drop, go round to their house if you can - anything to keep the contact up. Kids go through phases preferring other parents. He and his Mum obviously have a close bond and it's normal for him to have som separtion anxiety. Just do whatever you can make sure you still see him and it will pass.

I agree with the other replies, it’s fairly normal and they do go through phases but don’t let it be a reason to stop or reduce contact. Your little one has two parents who love them and they deserve to have regular contact with both of you even through these phases. Though there may be some resistance at times, you nice mum

has gone usually they settle and if you are the one to offer the comfort and security within this, it will strengthen your bond.

Try to make sure you have enough time with your little one to attend to his needs such and meal times, bath times etc. and try to work toward overnights. This will strengthen their bond with you but it won’t diminish the bond with mummy as that is very well established. Being able to have those times to strengthen those bonds will be beneficial in the short and long term.

All the best xxx

My 17 month old daughter has decided she doesn't want to play with or hug me at all at the minute. Just happened over night for no reason and I live in the same house. I wouldn't take it personally as it's a phase, my daughter clings to my partners leg almost permanently 😂. She still interacts with me and lets me bath her but that's as far as it goes at the minute.

Thanks for all the replies and reassurances.

To those who say I see my kid weekly, I'd like to point out that until recently, it was a few hours a day, not a week.

As he's still being breastfed and is used to sleeping in the same bed as his mum, I can't take him with me on an extended holiday (yet).

Me and my husband live together and he's an active parent and both our kids have been through this phase. Its not a reflection of you or your relationship with him just normal toddler behaviour I'd say. With both my girls it eventually flipped back around and for a while all they wanted was their Dad. I'd say just keep doing what you're doing and as long as you keep being enthusiastic about seeing him and trying to get him to yours he'll go back to normal again. Try not to be insulted! I struggled not to be when it was my turn to be shunned even though they'd already done it to their Dad haha

Children of this age are always more dependent on their mother. You just have to wait. Your child will grow up a little and will treat you differently. I know it because my family had the same situation. In the meantime, try to find new activities for your child. Something new and interesting might spark his interest in you. We prefer childrens board games, which I take here https://wunderkiddy.com/category/by-age . There are plenty of printable games that you can play with your child. They also develop logic and thinking. This is my recommendation.