Baby name, regret not adding my own family names

7 answers /

Last post: 15/04/2023 at 11:16 pm

LOLAMOON
Lolamoon
10/04/2023 at 9:03 am

Hi All,


i don’t know what I’m trying to achieve from this post, but here we go.


we had a little baby last year, we named him Albie George. I love both names, especially George I see it as a lovely old traditional name, pretty royal too.


whilst there was no pressure on me to call him these names, I very much chose them off my own accord, My DH’s Grandfather happens to be ‘Albert’. We didn’t name the baby after him at all, and I think everyone gets that. Middle name George is his other grandfathers name, again, I chose this because I loved it, DH actually didn’t care about the middle name and let me choose it completely. As I said, I just love George. I think it’s a lovely name.


as I sit here almost a year on, it’s only just hit me that I have had 2 family names from my DH’s side, and nothing from mine. Im thinking now I should’ve added my father or grandfathers names, but when I chose Albie’s name, I chose names I loved not because it’s a link to DH family.


to add to it, DH family have always had a weird grudge against me, I particularly don’t get on with MIL and DIL. Which makes this situation worse. Absoloutley nothing against his grandfathers though (1 of which has been dead years). But I can see MIL and DIL delighted and telling everyone the baby was named after their fathers. Which is not the case at all.


I just feel pretty rubbish that I didn’t add my own family name.

its too late to make the change now.


no more children are on the cards, DH has been sterilised.


as I stated at the beginning, I don’t know what I’m looking for from this post, but please be kind. I feel very rubbish about it. X

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GEMMA H(1404)
Gemma H(1404)
13/04/2023 at 9:51 am

You'd have to do it officially via deed poll, with your husbands consent.


I don't see why you'd want to add your family's name at this stage, when you didn't name the child after your husbands family. Sounds like you just want to stick it to your in-laws who you don't get on with. I know it's hard but you have to just ignore them. You know you didn't name him after family names and if you did subconsciously, so what. The name is lovely.


And if it's to placate someone on your side who has commented that it's all husbands family names, doing it at this late stage won't change that fact.

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LOUISE R(700)
Louise R(700)
14/04/2023 at 11:57 am

I think the reason you didn’t think about it too much at the time is because in your mind you didn’t choose the names because of other people you chose them because you genuinely liked the names. As for naming him after your side of the family, why? Most people hardly ever use their middle names these days anyway, I’ve dropped mine as it doesn’t go well with my married name, it’s only on official documents and how often do we use those!? As previous poster mentioned it seems you’re more put out that your in laws are happy about the name choices, which seems odd… and a bit nasty tbh.

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VICKY R(435)
Vicky R(435)
14/04/2023 at 1:18 pm

I hear you.


I was so sure I was having a boy with my eldest that I let my ex choose the girls name. I absolutely detest it. Always have. I shorten it so it’s bearable. It suits her but I still hate it. Such beautiful names out there and she’s called what she’s called.


also, when we divorced I really regret not having her surname changed to a double-barreled name so she at least have partly my surname as there was no way on the planet I was keeping his.


I also called my youngest Georgia but because I love it. Happens to be DH family name - nearly all the men in the family have it somewhere in their names. When I was asked, I laughed loudly and said absolutely not but isn’t it a wonderful coincidence that we all loved that name, whether that’s the male or female version of it.


No suggestions just support, I get totally where you’re coming from.


oh and no one has been able to name any of the dogs we have got since, I choose the names now 🤣

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SUNWORSHIPPER53
SunWorshipper53
14/04/2023 at 1:43 pm

Perhaps detach the in laws in your mind and compartmentalise. YOU are his mama, he’s YOUR baby, you honoured your own wishes and the man you love (even if unconsciously) so the name dedication, if you cannot escape it in your mind and there really must be one, can be fed towards your husband (and the great men he came from) and your little boy himself rather than those who do not hold you in the esteem they should.


Psychologically individuate you, your baby and your husband from the in laws and only welcome thoughts of what you three have established. Your in laws might try and sell your baby as some representative of what suits them and I understand it’s triggering but it’s merely a coincidence they’re bigging up, no need to send any energy to it.


And let them, because the more you dissociate the connection and focus on you and Albie the little G, the less you’ll give a *****. And the less you give a ***** the more tolerance you’ll have towards MIL & DIL and can start wearing the name appreciation as a badge of honour you gave your son and husband.


As for acknowledging your own family, you could make them god parents (honorary if not religious) but without broadcasting it.


Be proud of your name choice. Doesn’t matter what the reason, you know you and families spout all sorts. Hold your head high.

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MOLLIE D(6)
Mollie D(6)
15/04/2023 at 11:04 pm

You didn't name him with your partners family members in mind, don't even associate the names with them! X

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LAURA H(2605)
Laura H(2605)
15/04/2023 at 11:16 pm

I would say as much as I respect its on your family side names the child wasn't named after them. But did u know their grandparents name b4 this did u not think everyone would think the names were names after them.

People only ever use first names anyway so no point adding others but as both names are the grandparents it does come across that way.

I had pressure to use my partners grandad name who died when I was 5 months pregnant but I never did as I have alot of family on my side who had passed it would feel not right using his side. They were annoyed with me but I don't see how using a name would mean anything plus I wouldn't wanna upset anyone on my side by not using any of ours. I chose totally different names x

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