My 13 yr dd is having mental health issues please help!
3 answers /
Last post: 10/03/2023 at 5:24 pm
My 13 yr old DD has been having behaviour issues since she was a toddler,at Primary school teachers put her down as just a "naughty" child,I thought there could be some kind of Autism going on but they assured me there wasnt,hitting puberty the behaviour got worse,throwing things,hate speech,just sheer nastiness,we (myself and her stepfather) have done our best,Im not perfect ive screamed back in frustration,she started cutting herself last year,thats thankfully stopped,I didnt get to the bottom of why? Shes told constantly shes loved,try involve her in all family activities as she spends hours in her bedroom,now shes got thos OCD thing going on where if her curtains are not exactly central she has a panic,I have to tuck her in,reasure her shes going to be fine,no bad dreams,duff the pillows up,make sure shes ok before going to bed myself,she always did all this herself up to only recent.I got the ball rolling with a doctor,She decided to go alone and text me when she was out to say the doctor is ringing me tomorrow and wants to get social services involved?! I was thinking of maybe CAMHS or similar? Social services seems extreme no?? Am i wrong? Sorry im old school I thought the social services only get involved if a childs at risk? like abuse etc?? Anyone give any advise? Kind thanks Sarah.
Hi Sarah,
I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. It sounds like you are really trying to communicate to your daughter that she is loved and keep her involved in spending time with your family as she goes through this. There have been times you have been frustrated with her behaviour, you are only human and you mentioned that there can be nastiness which must be hurtful for you.
Hearing that social services are going to be in touch may have been a scary prospect, but their aim will be to see if there is additional support they can offer to your daughter and the family. As you have experienced firsthand, when a child has mental health difficulties, this can have a knock on impact on the whole family and it can be difficult to know how best to respond to challenging behaviours.
Sometimes parents can be left feeling blamed when a child is struggling with their mental health. I wonder if you are feeling blamed? As you said, you are doing the best you can, but I wonder if you are feeling pressured to justify yourself. To reassure you Sarah, I hear that you are doing everything you can to help your daughter through this.
Young Minds have some helpful information about looking after yourself as a parent when your child is struggling with their mental health: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-guide-to-looking-after-yourself/
You mentioned that ‘ she started cutting herself last year, thats thankfully stopped, I didnt get to the bottom of why?’ It can be confusing to see a loved one hurting themselves. There is some more information about understanding the reasons for self harm here that may be helpful: https://www.battle-scars-self-harm.org.uk/what-is-self-harm-all-about.html
Wishing you all the best,
Kayleigh
To me it sounds like she's neurodiverse. Hopefully you have spoken to the GP now about what happens next and have had some sort of reassurance.
It's important if you think she could be autistic or have ADHD to speak to your GP and ask to be referred for assessments as soon as you can... Waits are huge on the NHS.
I'd specifically search for information on autism in girls, ADHD in girls.. Also have a look at some of the recent TV shows on autism such as the paddy mcguinness one about his family and autism, the BBC also did some more recently inside our autistic minds... There's another one on BBC next Wednesday with Paddy Mcguiness ex the more info you can gather the better... You may spot things you would never have thought of.
Keep a diary of significant things/incidents and if you spot any triggers write them down.
Also have a look at PDA (pathological demand avoidance)
It may be something, it may be nothing... I didn't know my daughter was autistic until she was 12 no teachers ever spotted it and I'd said a few things over the years but was dismissed... It was a SEN tutor we used who told me exactly what her difficulties were and I felt so guilty.. Researching parenting strategies really helped manage her meltdowns.