Sorry posted before but maybe in wrong category. Affair

I am not sure where to start and I am sorry this might be a long thread. I have a son who is two and a half. I have separated from my ex who was extremely toxic and had an affair. He refuses to pay maintenance or the mortgage on our house. This came to a head and I have been forced to sell the house and am not in rented accommodation. This all happened over the last year. I try and be civil but he is horrible and nasty and has left me for a woman in mid 20s. He also had children from previous relationship.

During Covid I was in a whats app group with other people who were on maternity. We were all over the country and all teachers but some of us lived within 45 mins and hour of each other. It was a great support group. There was one dad in the group and he was lovely and supportive and had taken a years paternity leave. When we all eventually went back to work I started to send him messages. All genuine about work we teach the same subject etc. All were genuine professional questions to a friend. As my life fell apart due to ***** ex he was supportive and a shoulder to cry on. As time went on we were texting daily fun and friendly never crossing any real lines, online games such as wordle and just music and chat about our days. I started to feel a real attraction to him. He was lovely and always kind. He never said anything inappropriate or anything. Towards June though we started being flirty. I was the first to say stuff and tell him how I was feeling. We met did the play date as an excuse and it was

lovely. We started to meet on our own, holding hands and kissing. It progressed to time at my house and we slept together. We met every few days in the summr and had long dates sometimes two of us sometimes with my son who adored him. I could see a real future with him. He would write me letters and get me gorgeous kind gifts, thoughtful and lovely. He told me he would leave his wife for me and at one point my car broke down he came back for me and son and did not care that he would be found out. He told me he loved me and I believed him. I felt very strongly for him but my head was spinning a bit by ***** ex and if I am honest the guilt of the affair. I ended it the guilt was too much. He was devastated and while we tried to do the friends thing it always comes back to him being in love with

me. If I meet him again I know I will fall for him again, sorry not phrased that well. I don’t know what to do. I miss him. I know we are both bad people for what we have done. But I miss him so much and I know he misses me. I feel so sad without him.