teen hates me??
6 answers /
Last post: 16/03/2023 at 11:21 pm
My daughter hates any physical contact with me. She rejects any kind of affection from me. She cringes at the slightest touch from me for whatever reason. She's much the same with her Dad but she greets all her friends with hugs. She started rejecting my hugs and affection around 12/13 years old and it's only gotten worse. She's now almost 19.
I had reluctantly accepted that she just doesn't like touch - until at her 18th birthday party I saw happy to hug all her friends.
Tonight she fell and hurt herself and was crying. Naturally I ran to comfort her. Knowing she would reject a hug I put my hand lightly on her shoulder. She cringed away from my touch and gave me such a look of loathing. This is how it always is and it breaks my heart every time that I can't comfort her and she seems to hate me.
My husband says the fact that she likes to watch TV with me and talk my ear off about the cat is proof that she doesn't hate me. But then if I try to hug her or touch her hair she acts like I'm a vile leper.
Hi Ky,
I can hear how much this is upsetting you.
I'm wondering if your daughter feels the need to mask her true feelings around physical contact with her friends in order to fit in, but with you at home, she feels comfortable to express herself freely?
Many people with sensory issues work really hard to find ways to avoid certain situations or mask how uncomfortable they are in order to 'survive' situations.
I'm sure some of our members that have experienced something similar will be along to chat with you soon here.
You sound like a really caring and loving mum and I'm sure she finds comfort from you in different ways.
Katie x
Hi, I'm sorry this is upsetting you. Have you asked her about it? She may not know why it changed, or perhaps she has never liked it and didn't know how to tell you?
Perhaps together you could come up with a way of expressing your affection without physical contact, but where you both know it's a mum hug? X
Oml ! I could have written this myself my daughter at the same age as yours 12/13 would allow me to hug comfort or gently pop my hand on her arm or shoulder she's now 21 and ok with hugs and allows me to love her she's now pregnant herself have you tried writing a letter to her not a tx a letter telling her how difficult you find it to not love and care for her and the fact she rejects any physical contact hurts you so much what about her dad or siblings what is she like with them ?
Ok so have you ever heard of love language!! Its about understanding that people have different ideals about what they see as love!! Like mine is touch however I don't always like to be touched and sometimes it makes me uncomfortable it depends who it is etc my partners is acts of service there are 5 or 6 in total one is gifts one is time I cant remember the others but look at it and take the test its an actual thing and can help you understand people so much better
Your daughter sounds like me, especially when I was young. I just hate physical contact but will hug my partner and my baby and if a friend hugs me I would hug them back as it feels awkward not to. I'm just not a hugger. I live away from my parents now so will hug them when I see them but I've never been one to go over and hug someone as I find it embarrassing.
