Do I need to tell parents their child is with mine?
17 answers /
Last post: 17/03/2023 at 12:39 am
My son is 15. His new girlfriend H and a friend of her's A came back with my son and a few friends after being in town.
They were just hanging out - nothing special, no party, no drama. Just 7-8 kids hanging out.
At 10 am I tell them all it is time to go home. They seemed to text parents and within about 30 mins most seemed to have gone but H and A are still there, telling me their parents are on the way.
by 11 15 I want to go to bed but the girls are still here so I scoot them into my car to drop them off.
I drop of H at her house, and then go round the corner to drop A when she sees her mum and H's dad....
I wind the window down to let him know that H is already home but He starts screaming at me saying I was totally irresponsible as he had no idea where his daughter was ant it was nearly midnight.
When i say scream, I mean really shout like an Eastenders thug. He starts kicking my car door and showing his fists. I thought dropping the girls off rather than let them walk the streets at hight was right.
Is is my job to tell all the parents their kids are with me when they tell me that their parents know - I mean they are all 15? What did I do wrong?
No! It's their responsibility to know where their children are and to communicate directly with them about their whereabouts... If they didn't know where they were then it was down to them to call around other parents/kids to locate their missing child... They are 15 not 5!
Absolutely not your problem & you did nothing wrong. Its the parent’s responsibility to know where their kids are - & you asking / telling them to let their parents know is enough.
If the parents were at the point of driving round looking for them, I’d guess they’d already rung their children many times & were being ignored. I’d think they need to talk to their children about boundaries - & they owe you an apology!
If your 15 year old girl was missing surely one of the first people you contact is A/A's parents (the best friend) and the new boyfriend. Maybe dad didn't know and is freaking out cos she is at a boys house? But thats on them not you, as you said it was a big group not like they were up unsupervised in the bedroom
It's not your responsibility. You went out of your way to ensure those kids were safe. If it was me I wouldn't be letting that child back into my house because she clearly didn't inform her parents or respond to their calls and texts. I'd stick by this until I at least got an apology from the father. Although I'd probably have already called the police if this was his reaction. You should not be subjected to that kind of violence.
Absolutely not your responsibility.
You could report this dad to the police though, their behaviour was bordering on criminal.
Absolutely not your responsibility.
Your job is to
1. Know where your own child is
2. Ask the other children if their parents know where they are
3. Check how they are getting home and intervene if it's not safe enough.
That's it.
Absolutely not your responsibility, what terrible behaviour. I would tell my son they were no longer welcome to come to your house, unless their parents liaise with you directly in advance.
Nope not your responsibility at all.
At 15, they’re old enough to be responsible. This is on the parents and their daughter. I would be extremely upset if someone reacted like this to me.
Absolutely not your responsibility.
You could report this dad to the police though, their behaviour was bordering on criminal.
I was thinking she should report to the police too.
if he reacted like that to a stranger, how would he react to his daughter whose fault it actually is.
pretty worrying reaction tbh
Absolutely not your responsibility.
You could report this dad to the police though, their behaviour was bordering on criminal.
It was criminal damage, I'd definitely explain the situation to the police
So shocking and you definitely did the responsible thing. What's horrible is that he acted this way toward another parent. No asking, no telling you that he was worried, hadn't heard from his child.
It frightens me as well to think that he would get shouty and violent at this. Like some other people have said here, it makes you worry for the people in his household.
Take solace in the fact that you did the right thing. You asked if their parents knew where they were ... and were even waiting for the parents to come pick them up!
The tricky thing is what happens next time....
His behaviour is absolutely disgusting and absolutely not your fault at all. I too have a 15 year old daughter and I would expect her to keep me informed on her whereabouts, not her friends/boyfriend’s parents.
I would personally have expected the parents whose house my teens were at if in this situation to call me as there are a number of reasons that parents may not have other parents contact details or know where their teens are. I just wrote out examples but the post did not go through so didn't want to write it all out again.
The dad behaviour was totally appalling and it was very sensible of you I feel offering to drop the girls off but I couldn't disagree more that it's just down to the parents to know because teens lie. If a minor is in my house then I would always ensure right off the bat that their parents know where they are and would call them directly explaining who I am, my address and number so they knew their child was safe. Some teens will be where they say and even will have spoken to relevant parents but then if the teen goes elsewhere then the parent's are not necessarily going to have new friends or friends of friends contact details etc.
Absolutely not your responsibility.
You could report this dad to the police though, their behaviour was bordering on criminal.
Absolutely, Amy! But his behaviour wasn't just bordering on criminal, it very much was criminal!