My daughters boyfriend
6 answers /
Last post: 09/04/2023 at 9:22 am
Hi, this is my first time posting something like this, I'm worried about my daughter.
I live in a flat in south london with my only daughter who recently ( 3 weeks ago ) had her 16th birthday.
She has always been a smart girl with a big circle of friends who I had met including her first 'serious' boyfriend who she met last summer. I was nervious about him but he was 15 too, went to her school and was a nice enough boy. they broke up last september and as far as I knew she was not seeing anyone.
She had a lot of friends and often had days away with them, and always came back happy.
However, a few days after her 16th birthday she told me that she had a new boyfriend, at first I was happy and wanted to know about him and meet him but she didn't want me to meet him. She told me she met him online and that I wouldnt like him. That reall set off warning bells, but I kept calm.
Last weekend she asked if she could stay over with him and I agreed as long as she really wanted to and that he dropped her off after, she unwillingly agreed.
So, on Friday after school she packed a bag and disapeared only to reappear on sunday, with the boyfriend.
To say I was shocked was the least of it, he was 52, drove a huge range rover and she said she loved him and wanted to move in wth him. Turns out he was a boss in big bank in Canary Wharf and owned a penthouse flat there.
I really dont know what to do or say to her, he is clearly taking advantage of her but I don't know how to stop it.
She had been with him all this week on the school break, he has taken her to his house in the cotswolds, she said it was worth 15 million pounds.
Jane
Hi Jane,
I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. I’ve requested that your thread is moved into our Drop in clinic so that we can offer further support.
It is understandable that this has left you in shock, you want to protect your daughter as this relationship does not feel healthy, but you are unsure what to do next. There is a significant age gap and it sounds like how much money he earns is something that is discussed regularly.
Although the age of consent is 16, the law recognises that under 18s are vulnerable to harm and they are given extra protection as a result, this includes criminalisation for sexually exploiting anyone under the age of 18. There is some more information about sexual exploitation here, including signs to look out for: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/child-sexual-exploitation/#signs
You sound like a caring mum Jane, you have fostered a positive relationship with your daughter and I would encourage you to continue to invite your daughter to share how she is feeling without putting too much pressure on her to share specific aspects of the relationship. The NSPCC also have some helpful information about how to talk to children about what an unhealthy relationship looks like, this could be a starting point to help you talk this through with your daughter: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/sex-relationships/healthy-relationships/
You can also reach out to the NSPCC for advice over the phone
Take care,
Kayleigh
Hi Jane,
I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. I’ve requested that your thread is moved into our Drop in clinic so that we can offer further support.
It is understandable that this has left you in shock, you want to protect your daughter as this relationship does not feel healthy, but you are unsure what to do next. There is a significant age gap and it sounds like how much money he earns is something that is discussed regularly.
Although the age of consent is 16, the law recognises that under 18s are vulnerable to harm and they are given extra protection as a result, this includes criminalisation for sexually exploiting anyone under the age of 18. There is some more information about sexual exploitation here, including signs to look out for: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/child-sexual-exploitation/#signs
You sound like a caring mum Jane, you have fostered a positive relationship with your daughter and I would encourage you to continue to invite your daughter to share how she is feeling without putting too much pressure on her to share specific aspects of the relationship. The NSPCC also have some helpful information about how to talk to children about what an unhealthy relationship looks like, this could be a starting point to help you talk this through with your daughter: https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/sex-relationships/healthy-relationships/
You can also reach out to the NSPCC for advice over the phone
Take care,
Kayleigh
Thanks Kayleigh
She has texted a few times and send some pictures, I know she is phisicly safe but I still feel scared for her.
Hi Gailsmum,
We've moved your thread into our drop-in clinic - child mental health board, so you can get the advice and support you need
Thanks Kayleigh
She has texted a few times and send some pictures, I know she is phisicly safe but I still feel scared for her.
Hi Jane,
I'm another Parent Supporter here, with Kayleigh. Hopefully the links that Kayleigh has sent over will be helpful. It can often be good to speak to a professional over the phone to feel less alone and to gather some expert advice on how to handle situations. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job to stay calm and continue to keep the communication going in a way that your daughter knows she can come to you if she ever feels out of her depth.
I have found this page on the Childline website that gives an example of how to navigate a conversation with a young person over 16, expressing concerns of grooming, but still giving the young person autonomy over their decisions. I thought it might be useful to check out A relationship with a 37 year old guy | Childline .
You are welcome to chat here with us any time Jane. Hopefully other members will stop by too and offer some support here.
Katie x
Hi Jane,
I'm another Parent Supporter here, with Kayleigh. Hopefully the links that Kayleigh has sent over will be helpful. It can often be good to speak to a professional over the phone to feel less alone and to gather some expert advice on how to handle situations. It sounds like you are doing an amazing job to stay calm and continue to keep the communication going in a way that your daughter knows she can come to you if she ever feels out of her depth.
I have found this page on the Childline website that gives an example of how to navigate a conversation with a young person over 16, expressing concerns of grooming, but still giving the young person autonomy over their decisions. I thought it might be useful to check out A relationship with a 37 year old guy | Childline .
You are welcome to chat here with us any time Jane. Hopefully other members will stop by too and offer some support here.
Katie x
Thank you for the support.
We have spoken most days and I am trying to keep calm but I can't stop being worried about her.
She said that they went out horse riding yesturday and went swimming in his pool, he has a chef and a house keeper who arent there at the moment but she said they are comming back on Tuesday.
I did bluntly ask her if he is making her do things she didn't want to and she said no, I really dont know what to think.
