Fed up with Husband
7 answers /
Last post: 17/04/2023 at 5:06 pm
I have been with my husband for 15 years and have 2 kids. Since last year I have considered leaving him. He has always put his friends first and I feel as if I have just become a door mat for him. I feel as if another women stepped into my shoes tomorrow it wouldn't bother him as long as House was being kept and kids looked after. We went on holiday last year with another couple. On Day 7 of holiday our kids didn't want to go to the pool but stay inside as to hot. My husband got angry and left me and kids and went to the pool with friends. On another occasion I asked him did he want to go on a we break overnight, a family trip. He said no let's just go for the day. When I ask our friends to go with us he said yes to staying overnight. When I was pregnant I was very sick and in bed for 3 days, he left me at home alone and went out drinking with his friends one of the nights bringing me a glass of water before he left. When I was in hospital for a week with both children he whinged about having to drive up and down each night. Recently, I ask him could he take my daughter swimming lesson straight after work and he said no he wants dinner etc but yet he goes out for a jog once a week straight after work.
He was away on a 5 day stag, I told him before he left if he could just send a text let me know he's okay. Day 2 and he hadn't text so I messaged him that night, he read the message and ignored, I text him half hour later again he read and ignored. Yet in between those times he was on What's App. When he got home and I said to him he said he forgot to text me.
I really feel like he's just using me. He has never put me first and there is many more occasions where he would drop or do anything for his friends but when it comes to me and the kids he doesn't seem to care.
I feel miserable most of the time now at home and would rather be at work. When he was on stag it was the first time ever I didn't really miss him. Me and the girls had a lovely week. When he's at home I feel anxiety and stressed.
He's a selfish *****, end of.
I think you probably know what you should do.
Hi Natasha,
I’m Kayleigh, one of the parent supporters at Netmums. Thank you for sharing with us so honestly here. It sounds like you are left feeling overlooked and taken for granted by your partner, it can feel like he values his friendships more than your family together which must be really upsetting.
You mentioned that ‘ when he's at home I feel anxiety and stressed.’ This sounds tough as well Natasha, it sounds like your home feels different when it is just you and your girls, you feel more at ease. Sometimes, when there are unresolved issues in a relationship, they can change the atmosphere when we are around that person and I wonder if this is part of what you are feeling in your partner’s company.
I wonder if you have felt able to share how you are feeling with your partner? Or perhaps when you have tried you have left feeling unheard? You deserve to be able to talk through how you are feeling right now. You could consider couples counselling to give you an opportunity to explore this in depth if it felt right for both of you. Relate have some information about couples counselling here: https://www.relate.org.uk/what-we-do
Considering leaving a long term relationship can feel overwhelming. Having the opportunity to talk this out may help you in coming to a final decision if you would like to try and work on things or separate. Regardless of your final decision, it sounds like you need something to change here.
If you would like any further help from the parent supporter team, you can make a thread in our drop in clinic here: https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/drop-clinic-984/
Wishing you all the best,
Kayleigh
From the examples you've given its completely understandable
Sorry reply sent too soon. From the examples you've given its understandable why you feel how you do. He sounds horrible, and he's not treating you well at all. As previous poster said I think you know what you should do. Unless he has a complete change, but at the mo you don't want to be around him and I don't blame you.
He's cruel hun and that's not the way to live if you can put distance between you both he has no idea how hurt you are by his behaviour personally I couldn't be happy with a man like this and I can imagine walking away isn't as easy as that sounds I do hope you gain the strength to leave and I hope you find happiness for you and the kids xx
I think you've made your decision based on your final paragraph. Leave him, you're happier on your own without him and don't need him. You deserve a lot better xxx